Crazy Train
by SuperSillyStories
Summary: SEQUEL TO WELL WOULDN'T YOU KNOW! Laura is becoming a celebrity in her own way, how has her relationship gone on after one year with James Diamond? Have they stayed together, or have they grown apart? How will their lives be this upcoming future? Okay i'm bad at summaries but yeah...
1. Moving Day

**(I couldn't stay away from James and Laura too long, they're such a lovely couple lmao.**)

_One Year Later_

James Diamond sighed heavily as his fist connected with the punching bag. Another punch, another jab, another combination until he stepped back and did a spinning kick to the bag. He sank to the floor covered in sweat and quickly chugged a bottle of water. Sometimes a guy just had to take out his frustrations on something that you could punch and beat and wouldn't threaten to murder you or shave your head.

"JAMES DIAMOND!"

While hiding from your girlfriend because you were supposed to hire a moving company and completely forgot to do so. James glanced over at Carlos who had wide eyes. The two of them looked around the gym room of the house. Carlos ran into the closet while James turned a corner in the room and hid behind the wall. In the course of one year Carlos and Logan had both moved out of the house, leaving it to Kendall and James. Carlos had married Marley only months before, James being the best man and Laura of course being the maid of honor. Logan had decided to move in with Kira, the two getting their own decent-sized house together shortly after James and Laura's one year anniversary. Now the house that formerly housed all four boys was left to Kendall and Tori an engaged couple enjoying a new chapter of their life together. None of the boys wanted to see the house go on the market and be forever forgotten, so the two of them were going to keep it and redecorate it a bit, it would be the center party house for the tight-knit group of friends.

"JAMES DIAMOND YOU LITTLE BITCH I KNOW YOU'RE HIDING IN HERE!" Laura shouted as she threw the door open to the personal gym. She rested her hands on her hips, a large diamond rock resting on her left ring finger as her eyes scanned over the gym. The two were very recently engaged and hadn't even begun the process of planning for their wedding. Instead they were trying to pack both James and Laura's belongings so they could move into their new home together. However since James forgot to hire the moving company, they couldn't move in and today was meant to be the day since James was going to be completely busy filming the following day and she did not want to be stuck doing it alone. So because he was afraid of the wraith of his fiancé, he grabbed Carlos and the two of them went to house to work out. "James I'm going to murder you." She said quietly, marching over to the closet and throwing it open. Carlos smiled and waved nervously at his cousin who stared at him tapping her foot. "Point him out or I tell Marley not to fuck you for a month. She owes me, she'll do it."

"Okay okay fine behind the wall."

"DAMN IT CARLOS!" James' voice was heard and he stuck his head out from behind the wall. Laura turned around quickly and Carlos jumped out of the closet. "Well look at that I have to go I'll see ya!" Carlos waved and left quickly as Laura marched over to her fiancé.

"Wow baby you look so great is that a new blouse? Gotta say you look **so sexy**." He grinned staring down at her and crossed his muscular arms over his chest. He had just been working out and his muscles expanded, he was sweaty, his body was glistening and it was distracting Laura from her anger. She stared at his arms and licked her lips staring him over like a piece of meat, which made James grin in satisfaction. As soon as she saw the grin her eyes widened and James cursed at himself mentally for grinning far too soon.

"Oh no this isn't happening you are not distracting me with this godly body from my anger!" She said taking one last look over James. "Do you know what you did? Or rather DIDN'T do? We were supposed to move today so you could help me unpack and now I'll be stuck _tomorrow_ with all these boxes unpacking by myself! Do you know how much crap the two of us have—Oh don't you dare. James stop!" James had pulled Laura to his chest and started to kiss and bite her lick, grabbing her wrists with her hands and keeping them by her sides.

"What are you talking about? I'm not doing anything." He shrugged and continued his work, making her sigh and close her eyes.

"I'm mad at you! You could at least….apologize…." Her anger was draining away as James pinned her against the wall and forced his lips onto hers.

"You were saying?" He questioned raising an eyebrow.

"….I wasn't saying anything get back down here." She mumbled tiptoeing to kiss him.

….

"You're a fucking idiot." Marley said into the phone as she spoke to Laura. Laura stood in the entry-way of their brand new house pointing to the movers where the boxes went, while holding the phone to her ear with another hand.

"I'm not a fucking idiot!" She defended pointing upstairs to the master bedroom.

"You went there to scream at James for being an idiot and you ended up having sex with him in the gym room. So James got off scotch free and now you're unpacking by yourself until like ten at night." Marley shook her head, typing furiously on her computer as she worked. "Dumbass."

"You can call me a dumb ass when I get drunk and bust my ass at my own wedding." Laura defended.

"I wasn't drunk, my heels were painful!"

"Sure use that excuse." Laura nodded and glanced at the clock, it was four in the afternoon and they were loading in the rest of the boxes. "Oh god we have way too much shit."

"You have way too much shit? Gizmo has way too much shit it's _disgusting_ I passed him off to Kendall and Tori to take care of." Marley laughed while Laura stood there shocked with her mouth hanging open.

"You passed my dog over to Kendall because you didn't want to clean his shit? You only had to watch him for like two days!"

"Dude, have you seen his shit?"

"YES I HAVE BECAUSE HE'S MY DOG!"

"Oh, well then you understand why I did so. Anyways I got to go, let me know how the unpacking goes!" Marley said before hanging up. Laura shook her head and rubbed her temples watching them bring in the last few boxes. When they were done she paid them and tipped each of them, shutting the door behind them before turning around and pressing her back against the door. She sighed heavily staring at the piles of endless boxes and shook her head.

"I am so fucked…" She muttered, she didn't even know where to begin.

Now Laura had done rather well for herself in the span of one year. She was quite a busy bee as her work was rising and she was making a new name for herself. The show was doing wonderfully, AMC was doing a sick job of interpreting her book and making it into this crazy, startling, amazing award winning TV show. Currently she was working on a novel of the main character's life from her short stories, while trying to be a little home maker for James. The first task was to figure out what the fuck his mother had put into those macadamia nut cookies, but she hadn't figured that out yet.

The second task was to unpack the boxes and make the house seem like a home. However after three hours of unpacking in the bedroom it seemed like she hadn't made a dent. Laura instead walked to the kitchen and began to unpack there, hoping that it would seem like she made more of an impact. Unpacking by yourself was a tough job, and she was going to make sure James thoroughly paid her back for making her do so.

At eleven at night James had arrived at their new home. He walked inside and stared at all of the boxes stacked on top of one another. "Shit.." he muttered staring at the boxes. He walked further inside to the source of light and realized it was coming from the kitchen. He walked in and laughed at the sight in front of him. Laura was sprawled out lying on the kitchen table in her sweats, clutching her phone in one hand and a take-out menu in the other. He shook his head and picked her up, stepping over several boxes as he made his way out of the kitchen and upstairs to their messy bedroom.

"Bitch…." Laura mumbled curling up against his chest.

"Hi to you too babe." James chuckled putting her into bed.

"So…many…boxes…"She sighed clutching the pillow to her chest and curling up with it. James laughed and nodded, peeling off his clothes and climbing into bed beside her wearing only his sweatpants, wrapping an arm around her. "I know baby, so many boxes."

"You owe me…." Her eyes were closed and she was trying not to fall asleep.

"And how do you want me to repay you?" James whispered planting kisses on her neck.

"You better unpack the god damn house that's what you're going to do." She said clear as day pointing out the door before letting her hand drop and quickly falling asleep. James looked at the unpacked boxes in the room, remembered all of the boxes in the other rooms and shrugged.

"Ah fuck it I'll do it tomorrow." She shrugged wrapping his arms back around her and going back to sleep.

Ah, what a lovely, blossoming young couple.


	2. Subtle Slutty

**(paumichyy- I missed Laura and James too! They are so fun to write! Carlos'sCupcakes- I know first they live together then marriage, oh em gee! Oh yes, glistening sweaty James would make me so happy….)**

Laura awoke the following morning by herself, and quite frankly, still really pissed at the fact that she spent all day unpacking and it seemed like nothing was unpacked at all. She threw her legs out of bed and rubbed her eyes as she walked to the bathroom, stumbling into a few boxes on the way there. When she got to the bathroom she remembered she hadn't even begun to unpack or set up that room at all. She groaned and was about to smack her head into the porcelain sink, but saw that the toothpaste and their tooth brushes were laid out on the counter. She opened the draws and smiled a bit seeing all of their products stored neatly in the bathroom, one less room for her to unpack. The smile quickly faded as she realized she was still a little pissed at James, so she washed her face and brushed her teeth before walking downstairs to continue her work from last night. Laura stared at James as he stood over the stove in the kitchen and flipped an omelette in the frying pan. The kitchen was now fully unpacked. James had gotten up early in the morning to finish Laura's work before making breakfast for the two of them.

"You're up awfully early!" Laura commented walking further into their large kitchen. James turned around and grinned, adjusting the glasses on his face before he spoke. That was another part of James' plan to make her less angry, she loved how he looked with his black glasses. James knew just how to hit her weak spots.

"Well I decided to do some unpacking and make my beautiful fiancé some breakfast." He slid the omelette onto the plate and held it up. "Your favorite."

"….Mozzarella, cheddar, and salami?"

"Mhm…" He nodded and she narrowed her eyes staring at him.

"You're doing this on purpose so I can be nice to you."

"Is it working?" James asked as he put the plate down on the island counter along with a fork and a glass of juice. Laura stared at him angrily for a moment before sighing heavily and running over to him. "Yes it works it's not fair." She kissed his cheek and ruffled his hair. "Thank you for unpacking and making me breakfast, you're the perfect little slave bitch I could ask for her." James laughed and put his omelette on a plate and sat next to her.

"You're still really fucked up you know that?" Laura nodded eagerly shoveling food into her mouth. "Jeez chew your food."

"I'm _starving_ I didn't eat all day yesterday!" She whined, already halfway done with her breakfast. James laughed as he ate.

"That's right, I walked in and you were sprawled out on the table clutching a menu." James continued laughing and Laura rolled her eyes. "Man, you're special. Still hungry? Want some sausage?"

"Oh god yeah I'd love some." Laura looked up from her plate and looked around for the food but couldn't seem to find any sausages .She glanced over at James who was smirking and faced his body towards her suggestively. Laura sighed and shook her head. "Well played James."

"Still hungry?"

"Nope." She shook her head and quickly finished her eggs. She glanced over at James who was still staring at her with his pelvis aimed at her and she shook her head, playfully shoving him in the chest. James fell off the stool but turned quick enough to catch himself on the ground with his hands. Laura threw her head back and laughed pointing at him like a child. "Haha you fell dumb ass!"

"Oh you think that's funny?" James challenged as he pulled himself up.

"Extremely funny, oh man…." Laura stopped giggling long enough to see James towering over her. "Well…shit."

"You have five seconds." James warned her, and Laura took off running as quick as she could, weaving in and out of the boxes desperately trying to find a place to hide. Sure Laura was athletic in her own way, she was an avid skater but James was the real athlete of the couple. He would be working out with a personal trainer every day with Carlos, surfing, running, pretty much doing everything while Laura would casually roller blade and enjoy herself. So in a battle between these two lovers, Laura was obviously the loser. "You better find a place to hide!" James warned as he started running out of the kitchen. Laura stopped running and looked around quickly. She ran into the living room, heaved the throw pillows out of a large box and jumped into the box to hide. Right as she pulled the box to a close James ran into the living room.

"Now where can little Laura-Bear be…." He taunted, walking around the living room slowly and looking around. She sat in the box hugging her knees to her chest, waiting for James to leave. His footsteps stopped right behind the box and she felt goose bumps run across her arms. Suddenly the box was lifted into the air and Laura screamed throwing the lid of the box open but staying seated. "JAMES PUT ME DOWN SO NOT FUNNY!"

"If you say so!" He laughed in response and walked over to the sofa with the box. He tilted the box slightly to the side and Laura came tumbling out onto the sofa. James quickly tossed the box to the side and tackled her, pinning her down and running his fingers over her belly and sides to tickle her.

"N-no s-stop s-s-so not funny!" Laura pleaded as she kicked wildly and couldn't stop laughing. "Nope this is what you get for pushing me and laughing!" James replied tickling her non-stop. Eventually Laura was crying and laughing so hard her voice changed, sounding like a dolphin that was having sex with another dolphin. James stopped tickling her so she could regain her breath and compose herself. She stared up at him and stuck her tongue out. "Really? Do you want a round two of that because I don't think your lungs can handle it."

"Okay no more please!" Laura whined and wiggled underneath him, then she sighed. "What time do you have to be at the studio?"

"At three, and now it's…" James looked around and realized his watch was on his wrist. "Oh, 11:21. So you do have time for some sausage." James teased leaning down to steal a kiss from her.

"Oh god, you know what I'm really craving….?" Laura sighed pulling her hands away and resting them on his muscular chest. "To unpack this god damn house so it looks like a home!"

"Your sex drive has been so dead these last few hours." James sighed dramatically crawling off of her and pulling Laura to her feet.

"Dude, I promise as soon as this house is completely unpacked, on a day where you and I are completely free I will fuck you the entire day but for now would like a home."

"Promise?" James stared down at her and she nodded. "I don't know, I think you need to seal the deal. Those demons in that show you watch seal it with a nice French kiss, I think I deserve that."

"You are so special…." Laura mumbled before stepping onto the couch to be at his level to kiss him passionately. "Happy?"

"A little too happy." James sighed dramatically and again she laughed. "Come on, let's unpack the bedroom first."

"Of course you'd pick that first."

"Naturally." James winked at her and ran away to go unpack their room.

….

It was seven in the evening and Laura had just finished taking a shower to try to relax from all the unpacking she had been doing. There were a series of knocks at the door and she ran over in her towel to check who it was. Laura pulled the door open and was enveloped in a hug by Marley. "Hey whore! Wow nice place, it almost looks completely put together!"

"Doesn't it? James helped out this morning." Laura nodded closing the door behind her. "So what brings you here?"

"I figured you and I could go visit the boys on set. You've been cooped up in here for two days, you need to go outside."

"….But I have all this work to do." Laura muttered gesturing to the boxes. Marley rolled her eyes and grabbed her wrist, dragging her upstairs. "Bedroom is up here right? Come on let's go get you dressed and ready to go!"

"But whhhhhy? Can't I just wear sweat pants?"

"No! I tell you this _every time_ you are not allowed to only wear sweat pants! You need to go there looking hot, especially since you're a little celebrity now. Go put on something slutty. No wait it's Nickelodeon, go put on something that's subtle slutty." Marley nodded quickly while shoving Laura into her room.

"What the hell is subtle slutty?"

"Doesn't look slutty, but comes off really quickly to have a quickie." She nodded with a laugh. Laura shook her head and slammed the door shut before picking out a skirt and polo. She pulled on a pair of flats and opened her bedroom door. "Happy?"

"Somewhat satisfied." Marley nodded and walked around the bedroom. "Wow this place is nice, big. You could have sex on like…every wall there's so much room. Oh are you going to make a sex room like in that book?"

"What book?" Laura muttered taking out a blow dryer. Marley gasped and stared at her best friend like there was something wrong with her. "Fifty Shades of Grey! You didn't read it?!"

"Why would I need to read it when I actually have sex like that?" Laura replied as she dried her hair. "Besides if I read it James would think he's doing a bad job, and I can't have my baby thinking that."

"Dude even I read it, it was awesome."

"Carlos was okay with that?"

"Well Carlos doesn't know." Marley laughed. "That's way too much for us though, but it was still hot."

"What did it for you, the riding crop?"

"It did seem like much." Marley nodded and Laura just turned to her and laughed. After Laura finished getting ready the two girls got into Marley's car and drove down to the studio to visit their men, but had to stop by In&Out burger first to get them food. The two girls carried the boxes inside and immediately were bombarded by their four favorite men. Carlos kissed both of them on the cheek and quickly took his food. Logan gave the both of them a hug with his two arms before sliding between them and grabbing a box. Kendall kissed each on the cheek and ran away after getting his, and James kissed Marley on the cheek and completely ignored Laura as he grabbed his food. "Hey what am I chopped liver?" Laura whined following him to his dressing room.

"Oh no I have a better greeting for you." James winked as he stuffed a few fries into his mouth. He kicked the door shut behind him and put the food down on the coffee table. "You look nice."

"Thank you, you look like an 18 year old boy."

"You cougar…"

"You….gay…man." James rolled his eyes and pulled her into his arms before collapsing onto the sofa. "Hmmm, a skirt, I like, very easy."

"Hey!"

"Oh come on I know you did that on purpose." James remarked letting his hand slide up her skirt while licking her neck.

_Damn it, well that was quick_ Laura thought.


	3. Damn Cookies

**(Carlos'sCupcakes- I'm glad you do! I like writing their playful banter. Mrs. ShayMaslow- WOOHOO MORE OF THE CRAZY COUPLE! Henderson1993- thank you I'm glad you like them =D)**

Finally, after one week of sexual promises and takeout their home was finally put together. Originally Laura hadn't planned on throwing a housewarming party, but after Tori and Kira continued to persuade her non-stop that it would be a good idea, she decided 'eh, why the fuck not?'.

Now it was a Saturday morning two weeks later, the only day James was completely free of work. He woke up incredibly eager and excited. He was so excited that he just stripped down to his underwear and walked to the kitchen knowing Laura would be there eating leftovers from last night. Laura _did_ originally promise to spend an entire day just having sex with him, and oh how he would be disappointed. When he got to the kitchen he smirked seeing Laura bent over one of the bottom cabinets trying to pull something out, so James ran over quietly and stood right behind her.

"Well good morning." James smiled pressing his pelvis into her backside. Laura jumped and dropped a bunch of pans onto the floor. She turned around quickly and sighed staring at him. "James! You scared me!" She frowned smacking him in the chest.

"Sorry, couldn't resist." He grinned and grabbed behind her thighs, lifting her up and placing her on the counter before placing kisses on her neck." Do you know what today is?" He asked biting down on her skin.

_Well, better late than never_¸ Laura thought letting her fingers run through his hair.

"Yup…..we're having a house-warming party tonight!" James slowly pulled away and narrowed his eyes at her.

"I'm sorry what?"

"Well we might be having a house-warming party with all our friends and family." She ran her hands up and down his bare chest and James threw his head back and sighed.

"Why didn't you tell me?!"

"I did now. Surprise!" She grinned and James shook his head. He scooped Laura up and threw her over his shoulders before spanking her bottom." Ow! What the fuck? Aw come on James I have to try to bake cookies!"

"No you don't, want to know why?" He questioned leaving the kitchen. "Because **you** promised we'd have sex all day on our day off and now we have to get ready for a party. So you owe me!"

"But James I have to cook—"

"Baby let's be honest here, you can't cook, I know you ordered food. What time is that party?" James asked as he walked up the stairs.

"It's at five…food will be here at four…" Laura sighed letting her body dangle from James' shoulder.

"Four? It's nine, we have lots of time." He grinned and walked into their bedroom throwing her on top of the mattress.

"But James….cookies!"

"Baby you and I both know you can't make cookies like my mom so let's just quit while we're head." James chuckled crawling on top of her.

"..god damn it." She muttered rolling over so she was now straddling him.

….

"So please take Gizmo for a walk!" Laura said a few hours later after leaving the shower. James stepped out of the shower as well and nodded before grabbing a towel to try his hair.

"Aw look at that, you can still walk!" James smirked at her and she smacked his chest.

"Yeah well have you gotten all your demons out yet?" She chuckled drying herself off.

"Let's check the mental checklist, we did it on the bed, on the wall, over the dresser, bathroom." James muttered counting off of his fingertips. "Well we've almost christened the whole house. Be on the top of your game later, once everyone leaves we'll have to continue."

"Ugh I'm already exhausted."

"I know." James winked at her then kissed her forehead. He pulled on his sweatpants, a tank top, sneakers, and sunglasses. He then called Gizmo over, who was now much bigger. After the dog stood up on his back legs and licked James' face, James put the leash on him and took him out for a walk. Meanwhile Laura wrapped herself in a robe and hurried down stairs to the kitchen. She fixed up the mess of pans before taking out the cookie sheet. She took out all the ingredients needed, plus cracked open a bottle of rum.

"Alright Mrs. Diamond." Laura muttered, taking a swig of rum. "The challenge is on."

Those damn white chocolate macadamia nut cookies were going to be the end of her. Once a week she was now trying to find that secret ingredient his mother put in the cookies so she could finally say she was good at something. While Laura was mixing the dough with her hands she took a long drink of rum. Could you blame her? It was incredibly frustrating trying to be as good as your fiancé's mom!

While she was mixing the dough and drinking rum, she spilled a heavy dose into the batter. "AW SON OF A BITCH!" She shouted then sighed heavily. "Ah, fuck it." She muttered mixing it all together. Just as she finished putting the cookies on the tray and popping it into the oven, James and Gizmo were back and Gizmo ran into the kitchen.

"Hi my baby!" Laura said happily.

"Hey you." James grinned, happy to see Laura so sweet but then he frowned realizing she was kneeling on the ground and talking to the dog.

"Was daddy fun? I bet he was!" Laura cooed hugging her dog and kissing its snout. She smirked looking up at James who was shaking his head.

"Do you love that dog more than you love me?"

"Absolutely." Laura replied.

"Wow…."

"I'm kidding!...Well somewhat." She laughed and stood up cupping his face to kiss him. "Relax baby I love you both equally."

"Well thank god at least I know I'll get my belly rubbed." Laura laughed and shoved James playfully. He glanced around the kitchen seeing the ingredients out and shook his head.

"You know you can't bake like my mom…"

"If I bake a batch of cookies that perfectly match up to your mother's, you have to…" she wracked her brain wondering what she should make him do. "Let me handcuff you."

"Absolutely not."

"WHY NOT!?"

"That's just not how it goes, you're the bitch in the bedroom not me." James kissed her forehead and walked away. "Good luck!"

"What are you going to do?"

"Work out." He shrugged leaving the kitchen and Laura watched him leave. _I'll get him somehow_, she thought jumping onto the counter and watching the cookies bake. Then she glanced over at the dishes and pouted. "Fuck." She muttered, hopping off the counter. Just as she was done washing the dishes the timer went off. Laura anxiously took the tray out of the oven and put them on the cooling rack. "Fuck it they're cool!" She said after staring at them for only fifteen seconds. Laura took the cookie into her hands and after realizing that it was far too hot, she held it with a napkin and ran down the hall where James' personal gym was. She entered the room and smirked watching him lifting weights, then ran over and stood in front of him. "Eat it." He chuckled and nodded, leaning down to take a bite from the cookie then his eyes went wide. "Oh my god…"

"What!?"

"Oh my god…" James put the weights down and took hold of the cookie. "How did you…."

"IT TASTES LIK YOUR MOMS!?"

"Yeah!" He said with wide eyes, finishing the cookie in seconds.

"HA SUCK ON THAT I FUCKING FIGURED IT OUT!"

….

When the party started James was upstairs still pampering and getting ready. Laura had to call him down four times, but he was still trying to style his hair just right. When James' sister arrived at the door Laura wanted to lock the door and tell her that no one lived there, but she knew better.

"Alexa! Hi welcome." Alexa stepped in and nodded to Laura.

"Nice place, it's a good thing James makes a lot of money to pay for it." She commented before leaving Laura at the door.

_I will murder everything you love_. Laura thought while she glared at her. Her glare of course softened when James finally came down the stairs and hugged his big sister. After that they proceeded to enjoy the party. Even Gizmo got in on the action by dancing with Kendall for a bit.

Halfway through the party Laura went over to the kitchen to crack open another bottle of wine to give James' mother a glass. She saw James in the kitchen with Greg and Alexa and decided to not go in just yet, instead she figured she'd lean against the wall and listen in.

"Look James all I'm saying is, don't you think you're making a mistake?" Alexa sighed sipping her wine. "I mean hell, when the magazines say she's crazy, I think you should believe them."

_They say I'm crazy?_

"Well people say Stephen King could possibly be out of his mind, but that's just how she writes Alexa. Come off the high horse I love her."

"Yeah I think she's pretty cool." Greg nodded.

"James she verbally berates you! She writes _psychotic_ stories, and has the mouth of a sailor! SHE CAN'T EVEN COOK! Look all I'm saying is if you two eventually get married, I'll be the one that stands up and says I don't think you should be married." Alexa shrugged putting her glass down on the counter top.

"Alexa if you do that I will pee on everything you love." James threatened and Alexa shook her head.

"That's your big threat James? To pee?" Greg asked and James responded by putting his hand over his face and jokingly shoved him away.

"Seriously though Alexa, I love her and If you love me you'll at least _try_ to be civil?" James pleaded.

"No promises."

"…..Great, you're so compromising." He muttered shaking his head.


	4. Baby James

**(paumichyy- yeah she did! And no...alexa seriously hates her lol. Carlos'sCupcakes- yeah! nothing like a little rum in some cookies! Alexa's a bitch, maybe she can walk into a tree or something. - that is a great point... GlambertLovesBTR-lol they're one of my crazy favorites! btrfanfiction1516- hey don't worry about it, do it when you can and just enjoy =D )**

* * *

_"_Dumb ass, if you pee on everything I love you'll have to pee on yourself." Alexa smirked and James sighed. "Way to ruin my argument."

_That rude little bitch. I should just go up to her and backhand her. Or write her into one of my stories and kill her. That bitch has a lot of nerve telling James not to marry me. HOW DARE SHE! Ugh, is she even married? NO! And that's why because she's a rude bitch. _Laura's thoughts were quite violent as she stared at Alexa bad-mouthing her in her own kitchen. _Oh wait, the wine._ She sighed and straightened up, time to face the devil. Laura walked into the kitchen not uttering a word. She loudly set the glass on the counter and grabbed a bottle and the bottle opener.

"Hey baby!" James smiled at her but she just nodded and worked on opening the bottle. "Who's that glass for?"

"Your mother." She muttered pouring the wine in. Laura couldn't help herself so she turned and stared at Alexa. "You know, if the media says I could be crazy, I really think you should be more wise about talking about me in my own home."

"It's not your home. I bet James paid for most of it." Alexa retorted narrowing her eyes. _Hm, let's see, she wants a crazy person? I'll give her a crazy person._

"Uh huh….so you think. Do you want to know about my new book idea?"

"No I really don't care."

"Oh…shame, it's about a woman whose husband's family dislikes her, well one of them anyway. It'll probably turn out as a short story but um, the woman decides she can't put up with such a terrible person so after a party she chains her up in her basement and proceeds to torture her for a month while the victim's family remains clueless." Laura smiled sweetly and lifted the wine glass. "Anyway! See you later." She left the kitchen to give Donna her glass of wine. Alexa stood there with her jaw hanging open while James was quietly sipping his beer with a small smirk on his face. Greg stared between the doorway and his brother.

"Dude that was kind of hot."

"Alright shut it." James said shoving his brother playfully.

"Oh Laura thank you dear!" Donna took the wine and sipped it gleefully before setting it down on the coffee table. "You are just in time! I brought something that James has been hiding for years but I found it this morning!" Laura curiously sat down beside her on the sofa and watched as Donna reached into her bag and pulled out a large light blue album entitled _My Baby James_.

"Oh my god this is so rich…" Laura mumbled. Her eyes were as though she found a pot of gold and they followed Donna as her fingers graced the cover and opened it. Everyone was now gathered around her, they all wanted to stare at a baby James Diamond.

Well, except for the three siblings, they were still in the kitchen.

Donna turned the cover and the first few photos were of her while pregnant, and then James at the hospital.

One particular photo that caught her eye was James when he was one year old. He had the chubbiest cheeks and his eyes were dazzling. His hands were in the air full of frosting and he looked like he had just been doing some sort of exciting dance.

"AYE QUE LINDO CARLOS MIRA!" Laura squealed in a high pitched voice. She had said 'oh how cute, Carlos look!'. She hardly spoke Spanish at home but baby James was just too much to handle.

"Oh my god look at that little chubby guy." Carlos laughed staring at the photo.

"Those cheeks!" Logan chuckled.

"Look at him trying to reach the stars with his cake hands." Kendall commented.

* * *

"_AYE QUE LINDO CARLOS MIRA!"_ James raised a suspicious eyebrow upon hearing his fiancé shouting in Spanish. He knew she barely said it at home because he had no clue what the fuck she was saying. For all he knew she could be calling his sister a dumb bitch, though why she would say Carlos kind of ruined that hypothesis.

James did wish she spoke Spanish more often. He found it incredibly sexy. Granted if he found out she was calling him an ugly fat bitch in Spanish his penis would probably go flaccid instantly….Well…unless she sounded really sexy when saying it. "What was that?" Greg asked.

"Laura…something must be going on." James shrugged and left the kitchen to go to the living room. When he got there he realized everyone was crowding around the sofa and his heart completely stopped.

_Oh no…NO TELL ME SHE DIDN'T._

James ran over and stopped dead in his tracks. There his mom stood wielding the dreaded baby album he had hidden from her for years, and there was his lovely Laura smiling wide and cooing at all of his photos. "Oh James you're just in time!" Donna smiled wide staring up at her son

"….Am I?" He muttered. "More like too late…"

"Dude, nice ass cheeks." Tori winked at James and pointed to a photo of him as a baby lying on the bed on his belly.

"QUE PRECIOSO!" Laura cooed again and smiled up at James. "James you adorable little thing!"

_Huh…so I…need to show her baby pictures of me to get her to speak Spanish? Ugh why is life so hard._

"I have no idea what you're saying Laura."

"I said you were precious." She chuckled and flipped the page. Everyone said 'aww' and James looked down in fear. There stood a very chubby James smiling at the camera, with his cheeks looking like a chipmunk. "Mom please put that away…"

"Oh I wouldn't dream of it James Laura loves this!" James sighed heavily and glanced over at Laura who was speaking with lightning speed to Carlos.

"Great, what are you saying now Laura?" James sighed.

"She was telling me how damn cute you were as a chubby kid but even now that you're tall, white, and handsome you still have the same cute smile." Carlos said raising an eyebrow. "Children make her nice, go figure."

"Hey, I am plenty nice go fu-…find some…ice cream..or something." She muttered slowly.

"See what I mean?" Carlos laughed and ruffled her hair. For the duration of the party Laura and his mother sat on the sofa staring at all of James' photos from his youth. So after Donna left Laura could not stop bothering him.

"JAMES YOU WERE SO CUUUUTE!" Laura cooed following him throughout the house as he picked up stray glasses that were left behind.

"Lauraaaaa…"He whined, begging her to stop.

"This chubby cute adorable little devil with those cheeks and that smile! AH! So precious oh my god I could just put you in my pocket and crush you or eat you up James!" James stopped and stared at her for a moment.

"Those are both very unsettling images."

"I don't care!" she laughed and pinched his cheeks. "SO CUTE!"

"Okay I get it I'm a cute baby now stop please!"

"Why does it bother you so much?" She asked picking up some garbage with him.

"Because I don't like everyone telling me I'm cute and chubby alright? I don't like being known as the chubby kid and it would be great if that could stop so…stop." James tucked the glasses in the dish washer and turned around to see Laura pouting at him.

"Awww James…you're a very strong sexy young man now, but if you want me to stop I will. But hey! I'm sure when you're three hundred pounds I'll still love you…..well….hopefully."

"That is…..so fucked up." James shook his head staring down at her.

"I'm kidding I'm kidding!" She grabbed his face and kissed his cheek. "I'm kidding okay?"

"I don't know if that's enough." James crossed his arms over his chest and turned away from her.

"Oh not enough huh? What would James like as an apology?" Laura let her fingertips glide up and down his arms as James thought for a moment.

"Speak some Spanish to me…"

"Seriously?"

"Yeah, I like it, turns me on." Laura raised an eyebrow staring at him.

"I don't want to know what happens then when Carlos speaks Spanish to you."

"Wow. Alright. Penis is dead." James laughed and walked away from her to go to the living room to watch TV with Gizmo. Laura laughed and chased after him.

"Oh come on James I'm kidding!"

"Uh huh… don't believe it. You hate me and just never want to fuck me anymore." James sighed dramatically as he told Gizmo to hop onto the sofa, and Gizmo took up the entire remaining sofa space. Laura chewed her lip and shrugged. She stood behind James and leaned down letting her lips brush against his earlobe. "Mi amor…" She purred letting her hands glide down to the front of his chest.

"Oh….keep it coming." James smirked. Laura leaned in as close as she could so that her body was touching his. "….Burrito." she whispered before falling back and laughing.

"I so hate you right now." James sighed shaking his head. He turned around to see Laura on the floor laughing. "So not only do you scare my sister to death, but now you tease me. You're cruel, the years have made you so mean…"

"Oh please James your sister deserved it, don't tell me she didn't! I heard every last word she said so don't give me that, and I can tease you because you always tease me and now—what are you doing….?" Laura stopped talking and watched as James stood up and bent down picking her up.

"You're talking too much. You were so mean to me today. Now you're going to get it."

"James, why does everything have to be resolved with sex?"

"Who said sex?" James raised an eyebrow staring at her, and this made Laura worry.

"So what are you doing then?" He smirked at her and kept walking and Laura started to push out of his arms. "James put me down you're freaking me out!"

"Should think twice before you tease me then!" He sang walking to the backyard. Laura turned to see the glistening pool and started to kick.

"DON'T YOU DARE JAMES—" James threw Laura into the pool and laughed as she resurfaced and yelled at him. "I WILL KILL YOU!" He shook his head with a laugh and stripped down to his underwear before jumping into the water "oh fuck." She sighed frantically trying to swim away.


	5. Barbie Heads

**(paumichyy- baby james is cute james!**

**Jamsaddler- I love it too!**

**Btrfanfiction1516- lmao see? My stories are educational! But yeah Laura's just having too much fun teasing him.**

**Carlos'sCupcake- yay im glad you loved it!**

** - yeah I'd be pretty pissed if I was laura…**

**Annabellex2- SHE IS A MEGA BITCH! DAMN!)**

* * *

Laura sat in the dressing room of some sort of…strange boutique she didn't care about while reading a magazine. Currently she was with the girls, Kira, Tori, and Marley trying to find dresses to wear to accompany their dates to the Kid's Choice Awards. James told her to dress casually, that she didn't have to go all glammed up, which she wouldn't have done anyway. So she was the first to decide on her dress, a cute pleated a-line white dress with a black belt and black oxfords was good enough for her. However the rest of the ladies seemed to be having a more difficult time. Marley was throwing around dresses as though she was a hurricane.

"You look like a slut." Laura said bluntly, staring at the red leather dress she had tried on.

"I do not!" The two other girls stuck their heads out from behind the curtain and snorted.

"If I was a strange, creepy man and I saw you dressed like that, I'd bend you over and rape you." Tori nodded in agreement with Laura. Kira grimaced at that statement and sighed.

"On a less creepy note, I would think you were really easy." Kira told her. Marley huffed at their answers and stalked back into the dressing room while the other two giggled and continued to try on dresses. Tori stepped out next wearing white high-waisted shorts and a sheer peach blouse.

"Oh I like that, shows off your legs, Kendall will adore it."

"Fuck yeah!" Tori grinned and went back to change. Next was Kira stepping out in an absolutely adorable floral pink dress.

"Very sweet Kira." Laura nodded and she grinned running back in. "Guys I'm really surprised I'm the first one to get an outfit. This shit never happens I'm usually the last one." She remarked flipping a page in her magazine. Marley snorted and stepped out of the dressing room wearing a red sheath dress.

"Probably means something bad will happen to you." Marley smirked and Laura rolled her eyes, giving her the middle finger. "Now what do we think of this dress?"

"Way more appropriate, good job ho." Laura nodded.

"Ho? Says the one marrying Christian Grey."

"Excuse me." Laura looked up at the dressing room. "Just because I happen to have a sex life that involves various toys such as spreader bars, handcuffs, satin restraints, gags, vi—"

"CAN WE NOT DISCUSS THIS!?" Kira screeched stepping out fully dressed. "We all agreed we would only let her traumatize us with her…..weird sexual stuff when she's absolutely hammered and she's completely sober! Quite frankly, I need a few drinks before I hear her talk that way." Laura threw her head back and laughed while Tori snickered leaving the dressing room.

"Kira you act like you never do anything dirty."

"Well I don't like...talking about it as much as you guys!" Kira shook her head and left the dressing room to go purchase her dress. Laura flipped another page in the magazine and her eyes nearly bulged out of her head, then quickly narrowed into tiny slits.

"Dude what's up your ass?" Tori questioned sitting beside her. Laura shoved the magazine onto her lap and sat there biting her knuckles while Tori read the article.

_**BIG TIME CRAZY!?**_

_BTR'S sister Alexa says soon-to-be sissy in law is absolutely nuts!_

"_She's crazy. She's rude and writes creepy stuff, she's terrible I have no idea what he sees in her. I just hope he gets over this phase before it's too late."_

_Clearly this sister does not approve of her little brother's love! _

_Is James just going through a phase, or is it actually true love with writer Laura Ramone, cousin of Carlos Garcia? Is Laura actually as crazy as his sister says?_

"_I really think she should have a psych test, no one who writes anything that she does can be sane!"_

"Dude what a cunt." Tori said bluntly tossing the magazine to Marley who had just stepped out of the dressing room. While Marley read the magazine Tori shook her head and stood up grabbing her things. "I mean really? Is she that much of a bitch that she can't be happy about her brother? I can't believe she spoke to the press about this!"

"I can't believe she told them I was crazy and said I'm a phase and has no idea what he sees in me!" Laura stood up red in anger, carrying her shopping bag. "I mean honestly! I could be _so_ rude to her but I'm surprisingly nice!" She followed the girls to the register where they paid for their clothes. "I don't understand why that….little bitch hates me so much."

"Maybe she's jealous you're dating James." Marley snickered.

"They're siblings, why the fuck would she be jealous?"

"You never know, Angelina Jolie dated her brother…." Marley replied as she paid for her dress. Tori, Kira, and Laura all made disgusted faces staring at Marley before shaking their heads and leaving the store.

"Anyways…" Laura sighed as they all climbed into Tori's truck. "What the hell am I going to do about this little brat? She's James' sister, it's not like I can be a complete bitch to her."

"But James understands she's being a bitch…right?" Kira questioned.

"Yeah but I still can't turn around and say 'go fuck yourself your rude little strumpet'." Laura sighed staring out the window. "It frustrates me! I'm not as bad as she says I am I'm really not! I wouldn't make a bad wife. Sure James cooks more than I do and he's way better at it than I am….and he makes more money than I do…. And does more. Plus he's sweet and doesn't write about sociopathic teenagers—oh god she's right." Laura hung her head and held her face in her hands. Marley reached over and rubbed Laura's back.

"Dude don't let her get to you."

"BUT SHE'S RIGHT!" Laura groaned holding her face. Laura was coming to a sad realization that she wasn't exactly 'wife material' like she thought she could be and it was bothering her that Alexa was pointing it out and holding it over her. She sighed and leaned her head against the window as Tori drove away.

"She's not right, if James asked you to marry him, you're going to marry him that's it! That means he sees you as wife material. So what if you're not the Cleaver family, or The Brady Bunch? If everything is good between the two of you then don't worry about Alexa, just focus on your relationship." Kira turned around to stare at Laura as she spoke.

"Yeah I guess you're right…thanks." Laura nodded and the together the four girls spent the rest of their day grabbing lunch and chatting, by chatting we mean by making fun of Marley for no apparent reason. Afterwards they all went home, and Laura was surprised to see James home early. She sat beside him on the sofa and he smiled leaning over to kiss her.

"Hey. How was shopping?"

"Great, I got the outfit that I needed." She nodded and twirled her hair in her fingertips watching him play with Gizmo. "So uh, I read something interesting today."

"Did you? I didn't know you could read." James smirked at his smart comment and Laura snickered, playfully shoving him.

"Anyways uh…..it was …something from your sister actually." James raised an eyebrow and glanced at Laura. "In a magazine I was reading at the store, she was saying how you're just going through a phase by being with me and hopes you'll break out of it. That I'm crazy, I should have a psych test done and she doesn't know what you see in me." Laura sighed glancing at James who sat there frozen for a moment.

"Uh.. I don't believe she said that." James said quickly shaking his head and Laura's jaw dropped.

"Are you kidding me James? You see how she makes snide comments to me and I KNOW she went up to you at the house-warming party! How can you not believe what I'm saying right now?"

"Because! She's my sister. I know you two don't get along very well but she still loves me and respects me enough to not talk to press or paparazzi about something so personal like my relationship with you or how she feels about it." James stopped petting Gizmo and turned to Laura, agitated about what she was saying to him. Laura couldn't believe that he wasn't listening to her.

"James I'm serious I wouldn't lie about it!"

"Then where's the magazine? Which one was it?"

"It was…." Laura blanked for a moment, she didn't even remember what magazine it was that she was reading. "I don't know I forgot the magazine and I didn't take it with me…but I swear it was in there!"

"Yeah I bet it was." James snickered clearly not believing her. "Look I know the two of you don't like each other but you don't have to make up stories to make things worse between my sister and I!"

"James are you kidding me? I'm not lying about this I'm telling the truth!"

"So where's the magazine then Laura?"

"I DON'T HAVE IT!" She screamed at him, clearly becoming more frustrated with the fact that her fiancé and best friend refused to believe her.

"DON'T SCREAM AT ME!" James bellowed back.

"NO, YOU DON'T FUCKING SCREAM AT ME!" Laura stood up yelling at James, pointing down at him. "I can't _believe _ that you won't believe me James! You know she doesn't like me and she told you at the wedding she would stand up and object to us, but you won't believe me on this?!"

"She's my sister Laura!"

"I'M YOUR FIANCE!" Laura growled and shook her head. "I get that James I would stick up for my sibling if I had one too, but not if they were wrong!"

"Well I don't see it, so if I don't see it, it didn't happen I know you hate her and I know you like to concoct little plans—"

"NAME ONE TIME!"

"When Marley called you a stupid bitch in front of possible publishers and embarrassed you, you bought a bunch of Barbie dolls, ripped the heads off, and threw them in her bed when she was sleeping to freak her out." James crossed his arms over his chest and stood up ,towering over her.

"That was one time and the circumstances were completely different." She defended quickly, but James just shook his head, clearly not having any of it. "Whatever. Go fuck yourself James." Laura grabbed her shopping bag and walked away from him.

"Where are you going huh!?"

"TO IGNORE YOU!"


	6. Ya Dun Goofed

**(Carlos'sCupcake- yeah I don't really say it either, but I felt like Tori would just be blunt and mad enough to just blurt it out. But oh yes, James is going to have to get down on his hands and knees and lick dog crap off of Laura's toes at this point. I DID READ THE BOOK BTW! Wasn't too bad, I enjoyed it.**

**Jamsaddler- I know, men…deserve a slap to the face with a shovel.**

**Btrfanfiction1516- I wish so too, but he sided with the evil sister!**

**Henderson1993- im going to continue this, just don't know for how long, but im glad you like it)**

* * *

The night when James went to go to bed he was surprised, and a little pissed off to see Laura sprawled out over the bed. Although it was a king size and he usually would be able to fit, Gizmo her lovely Rottweiler lay on the bed like a prince, taking up the rest of the space. James growled, he wanted to pick her up and just have her sleep on the couch or the guest room but he knew she'd wake up and stab him in the throat. Or write about murdering him in a story…

Instead, James went to sleep in the guest room. When he woke up in the morning both Laura and Gizmo were gone. However there were no missing clothes or bags, so he knew she didn't pack up and leave. Thank god for that, that would just be too overdramatic for him. James sighed pouring himself a glass of juice and decided to call his sister.

"Hey Jamesy!" She sounded so cheerful on the phone it was a bit weird.

"Hey Alexa, what are you up to?" He questioned before taking a long sip.

"Oh just enjoying my wonderful day off, why? Is everything okay?" James sighed and shook his head as he put the glass down on the counter.

"Not really, do you want to get breakfast?"

"Of course, why don't we meet at that cute spot on Rodeo Drive? What's it called, Orange Top?"

"Yeah, alright that sounds good I'll leave in about twenty minutes."

"Me too." The two of them hung up and James quickly went to take a shower. He didn't know where Laura went, probably just to walk Gizmo. He was still pissed from last night, and a little angry that he was kicked out of the bed, so he didn't care for bumping into her at that moment. James dressed quickly, grabbing his keys on the way to his car. No way did he want to see her at that moment anyways. When he got to the restaurant he sat down at a table reading the menu and waiting for his sister. A few moments later she arrived and smiled seeing that he had gotten coffee for the two of them. "Hey James!" She kissed his cheek and sat across from him. "Everything okay?"

"No." James sighed shaking his head and put the menu down while his sister looked over hers. "Got into a fight with Laura." He noticed her drop the menu and stare at him with her eyebrows raised, clearly trying to hide a smirk forming on her lips. "I'll tell you after we order." So the two waited until their waiter strolled by and took their orders.

"Alright, now tell me what that fight was about. See? I told her she was no good for you." Alexa sipped her coffee and leaned forward on the table eagerly.

James sighed shaking his head, twirling the fork between his fingers. "Well she came home and was telling me you spoke to a magazine and you were bashing our relationship. You said that she was just a phase for me. That you called her crazy and said she needed to go through a psych test, she's rude and creepy…"

"Ugh she said that? I wouldn't do that to you!" Alexa shook her head in dismay and James quickly nodded in agreement with her.

"That's what I said! That even though you two wouldn't get along that you would respect our privacy and not say anything bad to the press but she flipped out and got mad. She kicked me out of bed, didn't even see her when I woke up this morning." James sighed and took a sip of his coffee.

"Well James maybe it's for the better, take this as a sign…"

"Alexa I'm not saying we're going to call off the engagement or anything I'm just surprised she would lie about that."

"Well…sometimes when you spend enough time with someone they learn to show their true colors. Unfortunately now you're seeing that Laura can well…be a liar and try to create a gap between you and I." She reached over and squeezed James' hand. "But I won't let that happen, alright James?"

"Yeah…thanks Alexa." He nodded and squeezed her hand. When their food came the two of them enjoyed breakfast with one another. James tried to leave the topic of dealing with Laura and her supposed lie, but Alexa seemed to keep on bringing it up and the entire meal he was just stuck thinking about her.

**PAGE BREAK**

That morning Laura got up and quickly took a shower. She did not want to look at James' beautiful face that morning, for fear of smacking him so hard that he would be ugly and out of a job. After she showered she pulled on her sweats and put a leash on Gizmo. After she did that she put on her roller blades and skated all over the neighborhood with Gizmo. As she was returning she sighed in satisfaction at the sight of James' car leaving. She dropped Gizmo off, fed him, then skated several miles to Marley and Carlos' house. When she got there she was practically dying, but a small portion of her rage was gone. She rang the doorbell then proceeded to bang on the door until Carlos opened it.

"You….look like you went through a swimming pool." He chuckled letting her in.

"I know, I'm going to be a skinny bitch soon." She chuckled and skated to the staircase to take off her rollerblades, where she then left them by the door. "Ugh…you won't believe the hell that I went through Los."

"Well Marley came home telling me about that magazine thing." Carlos waved his hand around as he spoke, walking with his cousin to the kitchen so he could get her some water. "Did you tell James about it?" He questioned as he took out a bottle. Laura groaned at the mention of James and sat down on the bar stool. When the water was placed in front of her she chugged half of the bottle before slumping over the counter and staring at Carlos.

"I did tell James, it went bad."

"He didn't get mad at you did he?" Carlos questioned popping a few grapes into his mouth.

"YES HE DID! He was pissed!"

"Really? But he knows you two hate each other." Laura slapped her hands on the counter and nodded.

"Yes! That was his reason though, he said I was making that up because we don't like each other but that's not true! He asked me what magazine and I totally blanked and I didn't have it with me so he said without proof he won't believe me. Stupid…dick. Ugh. I'm his fiancé, I can't believe he didn't even believe me at least a little bit or try to find out for himself!"

"Neither can I." Carlos furrowed his eyebrows and took out his phone. "So what happened after that?"

"I just went upstairs and went to bed and I made Gizmo get in the bed so James couldn't sleep with me and he didn't, he slept in the guest room. I don't want to talk to him I'm pissed I can't believe that beautiful son of a bitch." Carlos nodded to her and walked over showing his phone.

"That's the article?" Laura quickly red over the screen and nodded rapidly. "Alright… you know what? They sell this at the store I go to around the studios. I'll pick it up and show it to him." He said as he put his phone away.

"Really?" Laura smiled a bit at Carlos who nodded.

"Hell yeah. I told him he better take care of you and treat you like a princess. Do you know how shitty he's going to feel once he realizes that he's wrong and you two fought because he's an idiot, and that his sister is actually a bitch?" Laura sighed happily at the thought.

"He's going to feel like such a pile of shit…." She leaned on the counter on her elbow. "He's not getting over it with just a quick sorry either, he's going to have to suck the shit out of my dick. My imaginary one that is."

"And just when I thought you'd stop being so vulgar." Carlos chuckled and shook his head, finishing the rest of her water. "What's he going to have to do to fix it up?"

"I don't know…I haven't thought of it yet." She sighed and shrugged. "But it better be good, and worth him not believing me. Well, I don't know if anything is worth that because quite frankly …I still can't believe that son of a bitch believed his RUDE sister over me." She shook her head once more. "Anyways, thanks for going to talk to him Carlos I appreciate it."

"Yeah what are cousins for?" He kissed her sweaty forehead then quickly wiped his mouth disgusted. "Anyways, Marley's upstairs still sleeping, she's off today so she's being lazy. I have to go though, I now have to get a magazine to prove to James he's a flaming moron." The two cousins high fived each other before Carlos left to go to work. Laura on the other hand smirked deviously and ran up the stairs to their bedroom to jump on Marley as she slept.

* * *

When Carlos arrived at work he strolled through the halls of the studio until he came across James joking around with Logan on set. Carlos leaned against the wall with the magazine balled up in his hand before he called him over. "Yo James, let me talk to you for a second." James turned around and nodded, knowing that Carlos was probably going to bitch at him. But James of course he would argue back saying that Laura was lying. They walked into Carlos' dressing room and he shut the door behind him.

"Alright look I'm not going to say anything just yet and I don't want you to either. Just go to page 42 and read." Carlos tossed the magazine to him. James nodded and turned to page 42. Carlos watched as his eyes widened and his shoulders sank realizing what he had just done.

"Oh shit…." James muttered staring at the glossy page.


	7. Marley's Plan

**(SHY- Oh man it sucks so bad to be James right now lmao.**

**Dudeamanda- me too…I haven't thought about that part yet lmao.**

**Carlos'sCupcake- Honestly, if my older sibling pulled that between me and my fiancé there would be a very violent fight full of one really good slap in the face and a kick to the crotch. Glad you enjoyed it though lol, and oh yes, Gizmo is her little prince, he gets the king sized bed with the King isn't allowed.)**

* * *

"Yeah oh shit is right dude." Carlos said leaning on the wall, watching as James slowly sat down on the sofa still staring at the magazine. "What the fuck is wrong with you? First of all I'm surprised you're still walking. With what you did I was sure Laura would have killed you or castrated you with a rusty knife." James sighed shaking his head at Carlos and tossed the magazine to the side.

"Come on Carlos…it's Alexa! She's my big sister why would she do that to me? To us? That's stupid…she's family she can't do that. Laura _hates_ her, can't you see why I would think Laura was lying?" James glanced up at Carlos who shook his head no.

"No, not really. Has Laura ever lied to you before unless it was a surprise like your surprise birthday ski trip that she put together for you? Or that day you got really sick at the studio and asked her to pick you up? What did she do huh?" Carlos shoved his hands into his sweatpants pockets staring down at James.

"She…said she wouldn't be able to make it because of work."

"Yeah, and what happened after that?"

"She showed up at the set." James sighed looking down at the ground feeling like an idiot.

"Yeah. She did. With what James?"

"She showed up with soup, a sweatshirt in case I was cold, Advil, a blanket and my iPad in case I was going to stay."

"Yeah she did all of that. Laura and you say a lot of shit back and forth to tease each other but she cares James. She says she'd kick a toddler in the face for you and I don't think she's lying when she says that. She's madly in love with you, why the HELL would she lie about something like that? Much less about your sister? Your family? She's not like that and you should know better." Carlos smacked James upside the head. "She's your fiancé James, you should have given her the benefit of the doubt and tried to find out the truth."

"But I went to have breakfast with Alexa and she told me she didn't say any of that—"

"WHY WOULD SHE DUMB ASS SHE DIDN'T WANT YOU TO GET MAD AT HER!" Again Carlos hit him on the back of the head. "I told you that's my cousin and you need to treat her right. If you don't fix this I'm going to put Nair in your shampoo and make the rest of this season a living hell for you dude, don't try me." Carlos sighed running a hand over the top of his head. "She's hurt James. Laura really is, she won't show it, she'll just act angry instead but I know she feels absolutely terrible. You gotta fix this. Alright?" James nodded and stood up with a sigh.

"Yeah I … I know I have to fix it I just have to figure out how. Thanks for setting it straight Carlos."

"Yeah well, set your relationship straight or there's going to be more issues around." Carlos nodded and patted James on the shoulder. "Good luck buddy." He said before leaving the dressing room. James dug into his pocket and pulled out his phone to call Laura, but only reached her voicemail.

"Hey Laura…. Look Carlos told me the truth, he showed me the magazine I'm so sorry baby I'm sorry I didn't believe you. Just please call me back so we can talk…? Okay…I love you, bye."

* * *

Marley and Laura sat on Marley's bed staring at the cell phone listening to James talk. Laura had just showered and pulled on a pair of sweats she borrowed from Marley when she told her that there was a missed call from James. "Okay…I love you, bye." The two girls then took a moment to stare at each other.

"Don't you dare call him back." Marley said, snatching the phone out of Laura's hand. "You are not allowed to forgive him yet!"

"But it's James—OW!" Laura held her cheek, shocked that Marley had just slapped her in the face. "The fuck?"

"I know you, and I know James. Do you know how James always wins you over? I know how. He walks in, all suave and cool, says he's sorry. You turn away because you don't want to hear it but then he stands behind you, holding your hands on your stomach and whispering an apology in your ear before biting your ear lobe. Then you two just have sex and call it even. THAT IS NOT OKAY! You need to make this dog work for it." Marley said confidently.

"….Okay how do you know how he apologizes to me? Oh, and he will work for it…I won't give in this time."

"Because you tell me how he apologizes to you and it's the same every time. 'I won't give in', then the next day when I get you drunk you tell me how he went all Christian Grey on your ass." Marley huffed.

"….You really need to stop getting me drunk." Laura muttered staring at the comforter with a sigh. "How do I not give in then? I love with him! He'll corner me somehow."

"Easy. Get up let's go." Marley got up from the bed and grabbed her keys off of the night stand. "We're going to go to your place, pack up a bag and take Gizmo. James will come home to an empty house and feel miserable about himself. He'll want to catch you at home when you're vulnerable but he won't be able to. James Diamond's going to have to work for it." Marley dragged Laura out to her little buggy. The two girls climbed into the car and drove to Laura's house. "Kid's Choice Awards are in three days, we can either keep you away from him until then or you can make up with him before that. Honestly it would probably better to do it before then…"

"You know what?" Laura sighed and turned to her friend watching her drive. "Let's ignore him. Let's ignore James for three whole days."

"So you show up at the award's show all hot and he's missing you and craving to get you back. Then you'll act all nice for the cameras but really you're torturing him because you won't say a word?" Marley grinned in excitement and Laura nodded. "You devious bitch, I like it."

"Me too." So the two girls went to Laura's house where Gizmo tackled Marley to the ground and proceeded to give her a bath with his slobbery tongue. Laura laughed it off and went upstairs to pack, leaving Marley to deal with the dog. She packed her suitcase, took her hair products, make up, and the outfit she had planned to wear for the award's show. "Marley, can you grab Gizmo's leash and his bed?"

"How the fuck do you want me to fit his stuff in my car?"

"You'll figure it out you're not dumb." Laura chuckled, slipping on a pair of flats. The two girls, along with Laura's first love Gizmo went to the buggy and packed her stuff into the trunk. Gizmo hopped into the back seat and stuck his head in between the two girls as Marley drove off.

* * *

Every chance he got he used to call Laura to try to talk to her, but not once did she answer the phone. He was tired of making calls and no one answering him, so he decided to call Alexa.

"Hey James, what's up?" She asked cheerfully.

"I saw the magazine article Alexa, what the hell?"

"…James…. I thought we discussed that I didn't say anything." She muttered quietly.

"Yeah, that was until I found the magazine. How could you lie to my face Alexa? How could you say that? You know I'm crazy about Laura and you do that? Now she won't even speak to me or answer my phone calls!"

"Hey this morning you didn't even want to see her!"

"Because I thought she was a liar trying to drive a wedge between me and my sister, now I know my sister's just trying to ruin my engagement. How could you do that to me?"

"I'm only looking out for you James!"

"UGH!" James yelled in frustration pacing back and forth in his dressing room. "When I didn't like one of your boyfriends, did I used to try and ruin the relationship? No, I let you deal with it yourself because it's your life, your decision, and it's your choice and yours alone on who you love. I never meddled in your relationships and I can't believe you're meddling with mine. You better hope I can fix it between us Alexa, or you and I are going to have a bigger problem than you hating my fiancé." James hung up the phone and tossed it on the sofa before pacing back and forth. He was angry, frustrated, and incredibly upset with his sister and himself. Now he needed to figure out how to apologize to Laura and do it right…

At eight o'clock that night after filming he ran around town to any spot that would still be open. He bought a bouquet of violets. Then he ran to the drug store getting her favorite carton of ice cream before going to a restaurant and getting takeout for the two of them. He didn't know if this would work, but it would at least be a start. When he got home all the lights were off, but maybe she was in her office writing. "Laura? Baby I'm home I'm so sorry!" He yelled into the empty house. He checked the kitchen and couldn't find her, he set the food down but kept the flowers with him. He checked the office, his little gym room, living room, upstairs in the guest room… When he came across the bedroom he saw the mess she had left behind trying to get her suitcase. That was never her strong point, she always knocked a bunch of things down and fell over the place. He checked one of her drawers and saw stuff missing and sighed. "Gizmo!?"

Not a bark or howl was heard, she had even taken Gizmo with her. So James Diamond sat in the bedroom of their house alone, wondering just what he had to do.


	8. Cocky Son of a Bitch

**(dudeamanda- those two girls definitely have some special minds.**

**Carlos'sCupcake- Well hopefully you'll enjoy James' apology here, and yes, Marley had to make sure that James surpassed the 'I'm an idiot but here is an amazing apology' test.**

**SHY- Carlos is such a good cousin! NOOO don't fall to James' charm too!**

**Jamsaddler- kudos to Marley!**

**Btrfanfiction1516- hope this one was worth the wait!**

**Mrs . ShayMaslow- She should forgive him but Marley won't let her..)**

* * *

The following day as soon as they were done shooting James followed Carlos back to his house in hopes of catching Laura inside where she can't run away from him. He wasn't stupid; he knew the first place she would go would be to stay at the house of her best friend and her cousin. When James walked in with yet another bouquet of violets he first came face to face with Marley. She crossed her arms over her chest and stared up at the pretty boy.

"I so hope that you have more up your sleeves besides flowers." Marley told him truthfully. "Because I won't let you talk to her if all you're going to do is apologize to her with flowers and use your little Diamond charm."

"Marley it's not your business okay? Just let me talk to my fiancé." James tried to sidestep her but Marley quickly ran forward.

"NOPE! Not going to happen. Besides, she's busy writing and you know how she gets when she's writing don't you James? You don't want to mess with an angry rage induced Laura now do you?" James thought for a moment weighing his options. Whenever Laura was writing she was extremely focused. She would sit hunched over at her laptop and stare at the screen for hours before moving, or maybe even blinking. Well he was pretty sure she didn't blink, when he'd watch her write he wouldn't see any movement unless it was her hands, it freaked him the hell out.

"That doesn't matter, I love her and I need to talk to her." James shook his head and walked past Marley, ascending the stairs two at a time to reach his beloved wherever she was. Marley gave Carlos the classic 'oh shit' look, while Carlos just shook his head and stayed in the kitchen with Gizmo, tossing him pieces of leftover chicken.

"Hey no, no don't go in here!" Marley said following James and trying to tug him away. She hooked her arms around his bicep trying to pull him back but James kept walking like nothing was holding him back. He pushed open the door to the guest room and raised an eyebrow seeing Laura clutching a pillow sound asleep in a sea of bright blue comforters. James raised an eyebrow and glanced over at Marley who was chewing her lip.

"I thought you said she was writing!"

"No…but you're not going to win her over that easy James Diamond." Marley said stomping her foot. James rolled her eyes and walked over to the bed, placing the flowers on the nightstand and sitting on the edge to shake her awake. Meanwhile Marley stood there watching the entire scene, ready to jump in if she needed to. As James continued to shake Laura awake, she began to stir and eventually began to growl and swipe at James with her eyes still closed.

"Laura wake up I want to talk to you." James sighed still shaking her. Laura quickly sat up rubbing her eyes and glancing at James.

"What the hell are you doing here?"

"I'm here to apologize I need to talk to you Laura just listen to me will you?"

"No James why would I listen to you when you wouldn't listen to me huh?" Marley smiled in approval as Laura decided to reject James' attempt at apologizing. "You wouldn't believe me James! I'm your fiancé! I was your best friend before we started dating, and not once did I ever lie to you. Especially when it came to your family I never said anything bad at all even when your sister and I dislike each other but how can you just go and assume I'm lying? Assume that I'm trying to spite you? How cruel and painful is that! You can't just…walk in here with my favorite flowers….wearing those cute little dorky glasses and think I'm going to accept whatever you plan on saying to me." She huffed crossing her arms over her chest. "That just won't happen!"

"Laura please you're not even letting me—"

"No! I don't want you to explain or anything James."

"Then how are we going to make things right between us if you won't even give me the chance of saying sorry?" James sighed running a hand through his hair.

"I don't know, but you'll have to do a lot better than waking me up with a bouquet of flowers." Laura turned away from him and went back under the covers. She was done with anything James had to say and she was praying he wouldn't try anything else, she didn't know if she could hold out any longer. James sighed and rested his hand on her thigh above the covers, and he knew she missed it because she curled into an even tighter ball than she had originally been in.

"Alright lover boy enough of that!" Marley said clapping her hands. "Try again next time, with something even better." James groaned and stood up. He shook his head at Marley before leaving the room and walking right out of the house.

The following day James did something a little bit more _Say Anything_-ish. This made Carlos want to throw a shoe at his head, and Marley had to restrain Laura. James had snuck into their backyard, threw rocks at Laura's window, and began to sing _Worldwide_ to her just as he used to do when he would go on tour, his way of tucking her in at night. Laura's heart swelled and she ached for James; longing to go back to him and forgive him but Marley had to control her.

"No Laura don't do it!"

"But Marley he's out there singing to me!" She whined trying to crawl away from her friend who was sitting on her back.

"Right because he knows that will get you!" Marley huffed yanking Laura's hair to get her to stop squirming. "Just stop it! Tomorrow is the KCA's and I'm nearly positive that he'll make a big thing out of it to try and apologize to you."

"And what if he doesn't, Marley? What if he just treats it like any other thing and doesn't do anything?"

"Then he's an idiot who will get beaten up by your cousin." Marley kissed her cheek and the two realized that James had stopped singing. "Just go to bed, okay?"

"Fine…." Laura huffed and crawled into bed to sleep while Marley checked out the window to make sure James was gone before leaving that room.

* * *

Before the Kid's Choice Awards everyone had gathered at Marley and Carlos' home to meet up, and in the girls' cases to get ready. Laura sat in the guest room away from everyone just hoping that things would get better so she could go back to James. She wanted to go back to him when he started singing outside her window, but Marley wouldn't let her. After thinking about it for a while, it really didn't seem like enough of an apology, but at that moment she was weak and him singing to her just sent her back to the days she would miss and long for him, and she needed to have him. After making sure she looked her best possible she walked downstairs where everyone was mingling, including James who was joking around with Logan, Tori, and Kendall. When she got downstairs she leaned into Marley's ear to whisper.

"I hope this works."

"It will! Promise, if not you can take the sex tape Carlos and I have and send it out on the internet."

"Wait what?!" Laura yelled in complete shock.

"WAIT YOU TAPED US!?" Carlos yelled staring at Marley who shrugged and nodded innocently. After settling that weird little side note, they all gathered into the party bus waiting for them outside. James sat across from Laura and awkwardly smiled at her. She nodded and smiled back at him while letting her eyes roam his body like a hawk. While they were there they were all having a good time, partying and laughing. Tori even got up and grabbed the stripper pole, doing a little twirl before sitting back down and laughing at herself. When they arrived however the couples paired off to make their entrance. James climbed out of the bus and held his hand out to Laura who graciously took it as she climbed off the bus and flashes went off. "I miss you." Was all he whispered to her before they walked down the orange carpet and took photos together. Eventually she left him to join the girls while the boys took group pictures with one another and answered question.

"What did he say to you? Did he say anything?" Marley questioned.

"He said 'I miss you' and that was it." Laura sighed.

"I think you should just say yes now….he misses you! Don't drag it on." Kira said patting her shoulder.

"I don't know, she always forgives him quick and James is used to getting what he wants so I think waiting a little bit will do him some good." Tori said before Marley quickly high-fived her. Kira rolled her eyes and shrugged while Laura just nodded along, letting her situation with James rest in the hand of her best friend who she could possibly kill if things don't work out. The boys were done taking their photos, and so they reconnected with the girls inside the building to take their seats side by side with their ladies. Laura and James of course sat down next to each other. James was relatively quietly…well at times when he wasn't whispering in her ear. "I love you Laura-Bear." He would say before an award was being announced. "Please come home." Or, "I'm so sorry." Meanwhile Laura would just swallow hard and nod at him. She knew if she opened her mouth to speak her next words would be, "I love you and I miss you I just want to go home and murder your sister." But both he and Marley would probably slap her for that.

Of course, the boys won for best male performance group. They all jumped up and high-fived each other. James of course needed his victory kiss, and since the camera was right on them she had to pretend to be happy for him. So she cupped his face and quickly pecked his lips, while James managed to mumble "Just wait and see" before running on stage with the boys to accept their award. After they said their thanks three of them walked off stage while James stood there leaning on the podium.

"_And now a little off schedule, a special surprise from a very slimed James Diamond._"

Oh yes, James stood on stage soaked in slime after him and the boys were drenched with it.

"Hey guys, so as you know I happen to be engaged to this super beautiful woman can the camera zoom in on her? Yeah right there, that pretty young thing in the white dress." The cameras zoomed in on Laura whose face turned blood red as she stared at James with her heart leaping out of her chest. "Great! So, I happen to love her so dearly. I mean wow. She's just amazing. So smart and funny, and talented. I don't know if I've ever met a girl as sweet as her, the type of woman like that is hard to come by. Fellas, you listening here? This is great dating advice." He joked trying to make this kid appropriate. "Anyways guys these are some tips from me. One, always believe her, because if you're really in love she won't lie to you and you should trust her. Two, don't take her for granted in case she leaves, because it hurts too much to be without them. Oh, and three, always treat her like a princess. So…because I'm a giant …slime-head I made my wonderful lady very upset with me." The crowd booed. "I know I know! MAJOR jerk right now. I just want to apologize to her and present her with her own little award." James reached into his pocket and pulled out a very homemade red sculpture made of modeling clay that he had baked the night before. The little heart had a white cursive L painted on one side with a J on the other. "So, I'd like to present the award for best fiancé to Laura Ramone, so if you'd please come up and forgive me." James smiled at her knowing that one, she could never embarrass him like that by not going on stage, and two, he knew that hit her heart and of course she would forgive him. She glanced over at everyone to her left who nodded as though saying 'you better get the fuck up now'.

The audience was clapping and screaming wildly as she stood up and started to walk towards the stage. When she reached James he handed her the heart and forced her in front of the podium to make a small speech. Oh yes, he would get some sort of amusement out of this.

"Thank you James Diamond, for being the absolute….wonderful fiancé I could ask for, and yes I do forgive you." She turned around and kissed him, much to his delight and the delight of the crowd. The two walked off stage holding hands and she leaned into his ear to whisper.

"James Diamond you clever, cocky son of a bitch."

"I know, you love it." He murmured biting her earlobe.


	9. Mob Sit Down?

**(Carlos'sCupcake: Oh man, I would have fallen right at James' feet. I agree, him with glasses…..it sends my desire for the dork look through the roof! **

**Btrfanfiction1516: Aw yeah I imagine it would have been cute! Thank you I'm happy that you like these two!**

**BTR-maslow-luv97: Aw thank you for taking the time to review it means the world; I'm so glad you like these two nut jobs!**

**Taylor Shine: Glad you did!**

**Mrs. ShayMaslow: I most likely would have thrown myself out of the window into James' arms too, you're not alone!**

**Henderson1993: ah yeah gotta love him, he's a sweetheart that Carlos!**

**Annabellex2: yeah finally he's out the doghouse!**

**Am4muzik: I'm glad you love them!)**

* * *

After the Kid's Choice Awards, the gang went out to celebrate with a couple of other stars. They hit up the after party and danced until it hurt. Of course Kendall and Tori were dancing extremely silly. In fact, their dancing was so special that they had a circle of people around them just watching and cheering them on.

Now that's skills.

After the party the four couples all split off in different directions to go home. When James and Laura got home naturally she wanted to sleep because it was late and they spent most of the day sitting on their butts before partying. James however had other plans for his fiancé who he had not seen or slept with for days.

"Ugh I can't wait to get in bed…" Laura sighed opening the door to the house, she was intent on sleeping.

"Oh yeah neither can I." James quickly nodded in agreement locking the door behind him, he was intent on sex.

"Ugh, I missed my bed…" She sighed pulling off her shoes.

"It missed you too." James muttered scooping her up and quickly carrying her up the stairs two at a time. Laura chuckled resting her head on his shoulder and closing her eyes. "Oh no keep your eyes open you're not going to sleep just yet."

"James I'm tired!" Laura whined followed by a yawn. James narrowed his eyes and roughly tossed her on the bed before kicking his shoes off and unbuttoning his shirt. "James seriously. No."

"Laura I haven't touched you or seen you for like three days." He whined placing a kiss on her lips. "Don't deprive me."

"No I don't want to—fine." As soon as James began to nip at her neck Laura gave in. He chuckled and continued to strip himself while she lay there thinking about what had just happened. "I don't think it's healthy that you convince me to sleep with you even when I'm not in the mood."

"Shh, yes it is." James chuckled cupping her face to kiss her.

**That Morning**

When Laura woke up in the morning she was curled into a ball clutching her pillow without James by her side. She shrugged and stretched her limbs, satisfied with the cracks and pops she would hear. When she stood up she laughed at all of their clothing scattered on the floor. She tossed all of it into the laundry before pulling on her black robe and walking downstairs. When she reached the kitchen James was standing over the stove flipping a pancake. She walked a little closer and noticed that there were chocolate chips resting on the counter by the stove. Oh, he was definitely still trying to make up for his mistakes.

"Wow, great sex last night and now I get breakfast made for me? Clearly you feel guilty and you are the woman of my dreams." She remarked as she perched herself on the bar stool. James chuckled shaking his head and slid the pancake onto a plate. When both stacks were finished he carried them over to the counter and put the maple syrup down between them.

"Ever think maybe I'm just being a good guy?" He questioned cutting into his stack.

"Nope." Laura answered honestly as she shoveled pancake into her mouth. "Mmm, good pancakes baby, you're my personal Martha Stewart."

"Tell that to the choco-lax chips I used on yours." James muttered. Laura's eyes widened and she dropped her fork staring down at the pancakes. "I'm kidding." James laughed watching her panic.

"You're a real asshole I hope you know that." She muttered eating the pancakes once more.

"Nah I'm not an asshole, I'm a dick. A big fat, throbbing, beautiful dick." Laura blinked staring at James and started laughing. "There is nothing funny about that!"

"What's funny is you think you're big!" She threw her head back laughing and James' eyes widened.

"Hey I am plenty big! You cried the first two times!"

"Sweetie that's called acting." Laura said deviously as she licked the chocolate off of her fork. James' jaw clenched and he stared at her with a straight face as though he just died inside. "Dear god James I'm teasing!"

"Never…..never joke about him." James warned while shaking his head and patting his crotch.

"Bitch." Laura muttered shaking her head. "Anyways, you and I need to talk."

"Aw come on I thought I fixed everything last night!" James whined as he cut into his pancakes.

"Relax, you did." James sighed happily hearing that. "But your sister didn't."

"Right, Alexa…" James nodded slowly. "She lied right to my face about it you know. Then she was saying how it wasn't meant to be."

"Your sister's honestly pissing me off and I'm getting tired of playing this cat and mouse game with her." Laura replied pointing her fork at James as though she was going to stab him, and he thought she was.

"So what do you want to do Laura? Put her in a story and kill her?" James watched as Laura grinned with delight. "No."

"Fine I'll just change the names around." She sighed poking at her pancakes. "But honestly I need to set her straight, because clearly she can lie to your face and you won't even notice."

"It's not my fault! She's my big sister I always believe her." James muttered drinking his juice.

"Yeah well, she's not my big sister so I can ignore her bullshit no problem." Laura nodded confidently. "Just…set it up and get it ready."

"Set it up and get it ready? Shit Laura is this a mob sit down?"

"If I'm happy with the outcome I'll blow you." Laura said simply as she ate more of her pancakes.

"You were saying about setting it up?" James questioned raising an eyebrow and leaning on the counter as he stared at her intently. Laura chuckled and leaned forward on her elbows to tell James of her plan.

* * *

It was late in the afternoon when Alexa showed up at her mom's house. She had gotten a call from her mom saying that she wanted to catch up and have girl time with her, so after pissing off her brother she gladly obliged. She needed to have some time with her mom. Alexa knocked on the door and rocked on her heels as she waited for her mom to answer the door.

"Hey sweetie!" Donna pulled Alexa in for a hug. "Come on in, are you okay?"

"Yeah." Alexa sighed, "I pissed off James though."

"I heard." Donna nodded. "Go on into the kitchen I put out some coffee and cake. I'll be there in a second."

"Sure thing." Alexa nodded and tossed her bag on the sofa. When she walked into the kitchen she was stunned to see Laura sitting there with a sinister grin as she ate a piece of chocolate cake that Donna had made. Alexa had turned around to leave but Donna quickly yanked the double doors to the kitchen to a close and locked it. "Oh real nice." Alexa muttered.

"Have a seat." Laura used her foot to push out the chair across from her. Alexa sighed and walked and sat across from Laura, both annoyed and a little freaked out. "Hello Alexa."

"Hi Laura." She muttered crossing her arms over her chest.

"You said some very mean things about me and my so going to happen marriage." Laura nodded slowly while taking another bite of cake. "Couldn't even say it to my face."

"You wouldn't listen that way. At least if it's in the media it'll get your attention somehow, which is a shame." Alexa shrugged. Laura threw down the fork and folded her hands in front of her as she leaned forward to talk to Alexa.

"Okay listen here you little bitch and listen well. No one is home but you and I because I gave your mother a gift certificate to the spa which her appointment starts in…." Laura stopped to check her watch. "Fifteen minutes, so you know she left as soon as she locked that door."

"I'M LOCKED IN HERE WITH YOU?!" Alexa screamed standing up.

"Yup, and you're going to sit down and shut the fuck up." Laura said sternly. Intimidated by Laura's general presence, she sat down slowly. "Good. I don't appreciate you going to magazines or the media. If you want to say something? Say it to my fucking face don't be a little bitch about it. You're older than me, act like it." Laura spat. "Second, how _dare_ you say those things about me? Then lie to your brother's face when he confronted you about it. Who the hell are you? Do you think you're some marriage counseling angel? No you're not, so don't you dare judge me. Saying I need to have a psych test, and that I'm just a phase he's going through? Alexa Diamond you are a rude person who I would gladly throw off of a fucking cliff and not think twice about it, but because you're James' sister I won't murder you." Laura leaned back in her chair. "So what's your problem? Lay it on me, say it, be a big girl and tell me what the fuck crawled up your vagina and took a shit."

For a moment Alexa sat there stunned by Laura's words. She opened her mouth to speak but nothing came out. "Speak up Alexa I can't hear you!" Laura ordered.

"I don't want you take James away from me!" Alexa shouted standing up and pacing around the kitchen. "I see the way he looks at you! I've never seen James stare at any of his past girlfriends that way. He adores the ground you walk on and he follows you around like a lost puppy. I don't care that you make fun of him, when he was four years old I used to dress his fat ass and tell people he was my sister!" Alexa said and Laura had to try not to smile at that evil plan. "I know you're from New York and you have family in Florida….I just didn't want you taking James away from me. His home is here in LA…" She sighed in defeat staring at the ground.

"Alexa, I wouldn't take James away." Laura sighed. "We both work here, we just moved into a new house. Yeah I'm a big east coast fan girl but I don't plan on going back anytime soon unless it's for vacation. His home is here in LA, with me, and that's where it's going to stay." Laura shook her head. "You couldn't have just said anything?"

"I figured if I made James think you were a sociopath, which I still think you are, that he would break it off with you and I wouldn't have to worry about him leaving." Laura sighed and rolled her eyes.

"What would make you see that I am not a sociopath!?"

"A psych test." Alexa nodded quickly.

"If I take that psych test, will you apologize to James and shut the fuck up about me not being right for him?" Alexa nodded quickly. "Fine I'll take a psych test…"


	10. Results Are In!

**(SHY: Yeah, Laura probably should have punched her right in the mouth!**

**BTR-maslow-luv97: I'm glad you love the story, and ah yes it was about time Laura set her straight!**

**Carlos'sCupcake: Dude definitely, Laura had a good day! Well, any day is a good day when you bang James Diamond! Yeah even though it's like 'aw poor Alexa she has feelings' nope, she still a bizznitch.**

**Henderson1993: Lol Laura gets points for setting that bitch straight!**

**Btrfanfiction1516: don't worry the wait is finally over!**

**Paumichyy: No one ever would have that she hated her because she didn't want her brother to run away!**

**Mrs. ShayMaslow: YEAH SET HER STRAIGHT! But don't come out a psycho on the test!**

**HollyDust233: Well her results can't be **_**too**_** bad…hopefully.)**

_**I know what you're thinking, "FINALLY THIS BITCH UPDATES, THIS STORY HAS BEEN DEAD FOREVER!" I know, I know, I'm a terrible terrible person, but hopefully me updating will make you want to stab me less!**_

* * *

_Ugh, I cannot believe I took a psych test, I feel absolutely ridiculous. I know I'm not crazy why can't this stupid bitch just see that? This is why females are a pain in the ass to deal with, we're just so catty and terrible and quite frankly, if she wasn't an immediate family member of James', I would have either punched her or written a story about her and murdered her brutally. Actually, I think I may still do that just to spite her and teach her who the boss is. Well, James is the boss….but I'm second in command, which counts for something!_

Now Laura sat beside Alexa in the waiting room of a psychiatrist's office one week later. Alexa was casually flipping through a magazine with a grin on her face as though she already knew the results she was about to hear. Meanwhile Laura was staring at her soon-to-be sister in-law and wondering just exactly how she would torture the character inspired by her.

"Miss Ramone? Doctor Hugo will see you now."

_Hugo is such a strange name, ugh._ Laura shivered at the mention of his name and nodded. Right when she started walking, Alexa was already halfway down the hall towards his office. "Bitch…" Laura muttered to herself and slowly walked inside. She shook hands with the doctor after Alexa did and sat down on one of the comfortable chairs in front of his desk.

"Well we've observed your tests and went over the results, and I would like to say that—"

"She's bat shit crazy?" Alexa jumped in all too eagerly. Laura rolled her eyes and leaned on her elbow, waiting for the doctor to speak.

"Not at all, in fact you have a clean bill of mental health Ms. Ramone." The doctor smiled.

"WHAT!?" Laura jumped up in glee, almost doubting her sanity for a moment. "Fantastic, thank you doctor!" She reached over the desk and hugged him tightly. She glanced down at Alexa who was staring up at the ceiling with her eyes closed, completely pissed off as though someone had killed her soul. "Take that Alexa, I'm not insane. Now we're going to go apologize to your brother, understand that?" Laura put her hands on her hips, glaring down at the older Diamond sibling.

"Ugh, yes I understand that." Alexa got up and shook her head. "I'll be in the car." She muttered before stalking out of the office.

_Ha, in your face bitch._

Laura turned around to leave but she was stopped. "Actually Laura, I'd like to have a word with you for a moment."

"Oh sure, what is it doctor?" She questioned as she turned back around to him.

"You're an only child, yes?" He questioned and she nodded. "Interesting, and were you often around other children in your youth or were you mostly alone?"

"What's this about? I thought we already did the exam and you said I was fine…" Laura spoke softly, wondering what the hell was going on. _Oh no, don't tell me he lied in front of her. Actually that would be great, but don't tell me that I'm crazy! _"What's with the extra questions?"

"Well we just came across something interesting when we were evaluating your profile. We think that—"The doctor was looking down at the file as he spoke, but Laura quickly interrupted.

"Nope! Oh no, do not tell me anymore!"

"Are you not interested?"

"You said I wasn't crazy and I'll live with that! I really don't want to know if I was an anti-social child or….I don't know, other mental conditions. Nope, I am not for that I am happy with what I heard today already. Thank you very much doctor it was a pleasure meeting with you!" Laura quickly shook his hand, grabbed her bag and ran out the door. She hurried through the waiting room and went out to her car where Alexa was sitting on top of the hood. "Get off."

"What was that about? Trying to blow the doctor?" Alexa snickered. Laura turned around and stepped closer to her.

"You need to show me some respect before my hand slips and manages to slap you across the face Alexa I'm getting tired of this charade, got it? I know deep down you're that …_annoying_ big sister that is afraid of losing her brother. Well get rid of that stupid, overbearing and disgusting shield and just be nice to me for Christ's sake. Now get in the damn car we're going to see James." Laura walked over to her side and unlocked the door. She yanked the door open and sat in the car, slamming it shut and starting it up. "I'm younger than you and marrying your younger brother, I shouldn't be here acting as though I'm your mother or the adult that's supposed to tell you how to act. Get your shit straight damn it." Laura growled and started to drive angrily out of the parking lot.

"It isn't good to drive with rage…" Alexa muttered quietly, watching as Laura's grip tightened on the steering wheel to the point where her tan skin turned purely white.

"Shut the fuck up." Laura muttered, not even glancing at her. Alexa just shrugged and leaned back in the seat. She reached over to turn on the radio but Laura slapped her hand away.

"Spiteful…" Alexa muttered.

_Don't throw her out of the car; do not throw her out of the car._ Laura thought frantically as she pulled up to Paramount Studios. She parked the car, stepped out, and literally dragged Alexa inside by the forearm until they came across James' dressing room. They sat inside waiting in pure silence. Alexa glanced around the dressing room while Laura took out her notepad and began to write a rather lovely torture scene. Well, lovely for her, not so much for Alexa.

When James stepped inside he was surprised to see the two there. He thought if he ever saw the two of them in the same room again it would either be in jail, or a hospital. "Alexa." He nodded at her and shut the door behind him.

"James…" Alexa nodded and stood up from his sofa, walking over to stand in front of him. Laura raised an eyebrow at her, urging her to apologize as she stopped her writing and sat in her chair with her arms crossed to watch the scene. "I'm….uh, sorry."

"For what?" James crossed his arms over his chest. "Explain what you did Alexa."

"Fine, I'm sorry for trying to sabotage your relationship with Laura! I'm sorry for making you think she was trying to separate you and I… I'm sorry for saying mean things about her and always criticizing her to you. It's your choice who you marry and who you love, I can't stop that." She sighed and let her head fall to the side. "I won't break up your wedding or stop you guys. I just….I didn't want her to take you away from me and that's why I started to be mean to her." She muttered the last part while looking away, but James could still hear her. Of course Laura couldn't miss that smug grin that crossed his face when he heard that she didn't want him to leave.

"Hey I'm not going anywhere alright? I make the moving decisions, not her so I'm sticking around." James chuckled while Laura rolled her eyes and stared at the ceiling. "I don't want you doing that again okay Alexa? I know you're my sister but she's going to be my wife, and I don't want to have to be forced to choose between the two of you. So please promise me that you won't pull any shit like this again, okay?" James looked down at her and she nodded. "Good….because I wouldn't be able to choose, Laura would probably just kill you." He added while he enveloped her in a hug.

"You would let her?" Alexa scoffed.

"I never said that, all I said was that she would probably kill you." He chuckled and glanced at Laura. "Care to join the group hug?"

"Oh no, that's all you enjoy that." Laura nodded, not fond at the idea of touching Alexa.

"Ah come on, show some love." James gestured over with his head, but she shook hers. "Show some love or I'll fart in bed tonight." Immediately Laura got up and ran over to join the hug. "That's my girl."

"You better not fart in bed tonight James I'll fucking kill you."


	11. Crazy Pants

**(Carlos'sCupcake: Oh, people eating crow, I relish that. I rub it in people's faces, I have no shame. Hmmm it would be interesting to see what the doctor would say…**

**BTR-maslow-luv97: I would still watch her too, she seems the type that MIGHT still cause a little problem.**

**GUEST: You most definitely can bitch slap her, just video tape it for me!**

**Am4muzik: Yeah James is definitely charming at the end lol, I'm glad you like the story though; I hope you still enjoy it! IDK What to do with it so this chapter was really forced,**

**Henderson1993: sorry for such a long wait!**

**Annabellex2: Hmmm I don't know, maybe she's totally nuts, or has a secret twin sister, or uhh….has a secret obsession, I don't know!**

**Btrfanfiction1516: YEAAHHH this story is old and it's taking me a hell of a long time to get through it**

**HollyDust2334: it was really tempting to have Laura throw Alexa out lol.)**

_**Alright, I'm 99% sure I hit a wall with this story**_

* * *

Finally, a nice, quiet Sunday night at home, watching TV in the comfort of their home. Laura sat on the sofa, with James lying across the sofa and his head resting on her lap. The two were watching The Walking Dead, seeing as how Laura's show was before the zombie flick, they decided Sunday nights were devoted to AMC. They watched as a zombie horde shambled across the screen, and Laura's hand was running through James' hair absent-mindedly, not even flinching when Daryl Dixon shot an arrow trough a zombie's eye socket.

"Baby are you alright?" James questioned, turning his head to stare up at her.

"Yeah, why?" Laura muttered.

"Well you haven't said my hair was gay today, you actually attempted to make dinner and you've been stroking the same part of my scalp for the last hour and a half." James sat up and draped an arm around her shoulders. "So I most likely have a bald spot now, thank you." He chuckled but Laura just rolled her eyes." And that right there, you did not call me a prissy little bitch, so what's on your mind?"

"….Nothing….?" Laura lied, but James wasn't buying it. "Okay fine…I was just so bothered by your…stupid…face." She said again and James chuckled.

"That was a pitiful attempt at being your normal self." He shook his head and muted the television set. "Alright come on, spill it."

"Alright so your fucking sister made me take psych evaluation tests to prove that I wasn't crazy!" Laura breathed and James started laughing.

"Oh my god and you actually did it?" He laughed and threw his head back. "Why the heck would you do that? You know you're not crazy!"

"Oh excuse me Chuckles the Clown, because I happen to love you for some unknown reason and if I wanted her to apologize to you and pull on her big girl panties, she wanted proof that I wasn't crazy." Laura rolled her eyes and crossed her arms over her chest. "Well anyway, doctor said I wasn't crazy." She nodded and glanced at him, watching as he raised an eyebrow and slowly nodded back at her.

"Well alright, that's good….so then what's the problem?"

"I THINK I'M CRAZY!" Laura shouted, which made James' eyes shoot open.

"Oh yeah I definitely think you're crazy at this point too." He chuckled in agreement, watching as she sighed and dropped her head between her knees. "Okay, okay, why do you think you're crazy?"

"The doctor stopped me and started to talk to me and he was saying some…bull shit I don't know but I think he was going to say I was crazy, or I was a messed up child, or I have a secret serial killer hidden deep down inside of me." She mumbled and sighed heavily while James patted her back.

"Uh, maybe he wasn't saying that?"

"HE WAS TOTALLY GOING TO SAY THAT." Laura sighed and sat up. "Ugh, I'm going to go write, I'll see you tomorrow." She muttered and pushed herself off of the couch. James sighed and watched her leave, then glanced over at Gizmo who walked over and jumped onto the couch.

"Ah buddy…do you think your mom is crazy?" He questioned, scratching Gizmo behind the ears. The dog looked up at him and licked his face. "Yeah me too, but the good kind of crazy." James nodded then rolled his eyes. "Oh god I'm talking to a dog." Gizmo then barked and smacked him in the chest with his paw." Oh okay okay, I get it, you're a very smart and understanding dog, at least I'm having an intellectual conversation with you." James replied, watching as Gizmo bobbed his head up and down before resting it on his lap. "You are the strangest dog in the world…"

* * *

"So your cousin thinks she's psycho." James said to Carlos. The two of them were currently at the gym, getting in a quick workout before going to the studio to record. "Apparently the guy she talked to for that psych test started to question her when my sister left the room. He was going to tell her something but uh, Laura didn't want to hear it." He spoke while doing pull ups. Meanwhile Carlos was lifting weights, and when he heard this he dropped the weights onto the ground.

"No way!" Carlos said with wide eyes. "My cousin is fucking insane!?"

"Dude!"

"Sorry couldn't resist." Carlos chuckled a bit, "I mean….I don't know, she writes some weird stuff but I don't think that makes her psycho." Carlos said before bending back down to get the weights.

"Oh I know that." James eased himself to the ground and let go of the bar. "She didn't really tell me much, and I can't exactly go to the doctor and ask about it, because of that doctor-patient confidentiality crap."

"Oh yeah right? How dare doctors protect their patients?" Carlos snorted and watched himself in the mirror as he did bicep curls. "So what are you going to do?"

"I don't know, I don't know if there's anything I even can do." James sighed and wiped the sweat from his brow. "Should I….try to convince her to go to the therapist?"

"Oh hell no." Carlos said quickly with wide eyes. "If you do that, she'll think you think she really is clinically insane, and then she'll flip out, and she'll write your murder scene in a book or something, don't do that dude she will definitely over-react."

"…Must be nice to be a woman and be able to snap at every little thing." James sighed and sat down on a bench.

"Yeah I wouldn't know." Carlos shrugged, but James smirked and laughed.

"Funny, I thought you did."

* * *

"You know, I can totally see you being bat shit crazy." Marley said, watching Laura try to apply make up on in her bedroom. "You write the freakiest shit. I'm so serious, the other night Carlos and I were watching an episode of the show and I legit had nightmares the entire night, he had to cradle me like I was a baby and sing me to sleep. Not like I mind though, I mean, it was a great excuse for some spooning." Marley laughed and threw herself on Laura's bed.

"Marley I didn't say that he confirmed I was a nut job! I'm telling you that he said I wasn't in front of Alexa, but when she left he started questioning me!" She sighed and watched Marley get up and stalk around the room, staring at all of their possessions. "I COULD BE A SLEEPER NORMAN BATES!"

"You are not a sleeper Norman Bates." Marley laughed and poked her head into the closet. "If it's worrying you that much why don't you just make another appointment to speak with him?"

"Because I don't want to hear that I'm nuts…" Laura muttered and Marley growled.

"Then stop thinking about it! If you don't think you're crazy, then you're not crazy!"

"But the doctor—"

"FUCK WHAT THE DOCTOR SAID BRO YOU PAID HIM AND HE DID HIS JOB, LEAVE IT AT THAT!" Marley yelled and shook her head. "Shit, for someone who writes out some really fucked up stories, you're a little bitch when it comes to mental health." Marley sighed and shook her head, walking over to a closet in the far left corner of the bedroom. She gave it a tug and was dissatisfied when the door wouldn't open.

"What are you doing?" Laura sighed, watching Marley desperately try to pull the door open.

"Going through your things. Why won't this open?"

"Because the door is locked." Laura replied, watching Marley twisted and pull at the door knob.

"Why is it locked—OH MY GOD THIS IS YOUR SEX CLOSET ISN'T IT!?" Marley grinned and stared at Laura like a child on Christmas. "Can I please see the sex closet?"

"No you may not see the sex closet! Don't you have a sex life all your own?" Laura huffed and walked over to Marley to drag her away.

"Well that's completely different! I do have it, but the girls and I _read_ 50 Shades, you live it!"

"I don't live it." Laura rolled her eyes. "I just happen to be a bit more adventurous in bed."

"Please for the love of god open the closet." Marley begged with her hands folded in front of her. Laura sighed and went over to her house keys. She grabbed the small key and walked over to the closet, unlocking the door and pulling it open. Marley squealed in delight and ran inside with the excitement of a child on Christmas morning. "Oh my god, this is so cool."

"Don't touch anything." Laura warned, giggling as Marley snickered in disgust.

"Dude these handcuffs are real!?"

"Yup." Laura nodded, leaning on the wall outside the closet as Marley looked around.

"Oh man…this is like a sex store. Can I have something—"

"NO!"

"Lame." Marley muttered and shook her head. She continued to look through their stuff while Laura stared at her shoes. She heard a creak and looked up, shocked to see James standing at the bedroom door. "Dude are those vibrating panties?"

"JAMES! What are you doing here?!" Laura questioned with wide eyes. Loud crashes were heard as Marley ran out of the closet in surprise, knocking over everything in her path.

"Recording was cancelled for today…" He muttered and dropped his gym bag on the floor, crossing his arms over his chest to stare at the two women in front of him. "What's this?"

"Me leaving that's for sure." Marley remarked before running out the door.

"….That bitch…" Laura muttered watching her friend leave, then glancing over to see James stalking towards her. "Ha...wow this is uh, this is awkward huh?"

"Awkward? No….but you're in a bit of trouble." James remarked as he pushed her onto the bed.


	12. Bachelor Party Part 1

**(am4muzik: Hitting walls sucks, BUT I hit something!**

**Carlos'sCupcake: Okay, I think you'll love this chapter!**

**Btrfanfiction1516: Yeah Marley just fed her to the wolves lmao.**

**Taylor Shine: new chapter is finally up, hope you enjoy it!**

**Henderson1993: I think Laura was just hoping that would make Marley shut up and stop nagging her, but oh how the plans changed…worked out nicely for her though!**

**AddictedToMusic18: LMFAO YOUR REVIEW HAD ME LAUGHING! Oh gosh, I think we'd all love to get punished like that by James, it would be great.)**

_**Thank you IHEARTROCK for the help and the idea!**_

* * *

James jogged down the stairs from the bedroom after getting off the phone with his buddies. He ran into the living room to find Laura sitting in her PJS with a bowl of Doritos on her lap, with Gizmo sprawled out beside her, grabbing a chip from her hand. "Hey lazy." James smiled and jumped over the back of the sofa to land beside her and kissed her on the cheek.

"Okay what did you want?" She turned her head raising an eyebrow and James frowned.

"Now why do you assume I want something? I'm shocked!" His mouth hung open and he tried to be in shock, but Laura could see right through it.

"Well you've been walking on egg-shells around me trying not to joke that I'm crazy, but suddenly you're all…happy and excited. So what do you want?" She stared at him while eating another chip.

"….Logan planned a bachelor party for me and I want to go…." James said slowly, and Laura threw her head back laughing. "What's so funny!?"

"Are you asking me permission!?" She squealed in laughter, "Oh gosh you are a little bitch!"

"I'm not asking permission I'm just letting you know!" James scoffed and stared at her, "Do the girls have anything planned for you?"

"Um knowing Marley she probably does but I haven't heard about it yet." She shrugged and went back to eating her chips. "So what does Logan have planned for you boys?"

"I don't know." James shrugged and leaned back in his seat. "But they're picking me up in a couple of minutes."

"Interesting…." Laura nodded slowly and turned to gaze at James. "I'll just let you know, if I hear there were strippers, Gizmo is taking your side of the bed until the wedding day. Oh, and I will _personally_ put you in a story where a stripper cuts your dick off." Laura warned and James just grinned.

"Baby there's no strippers allowed, Tori told Kendall if there was a stripper she'd shove his guitar up his ass. But if **you** guys get one of those male strippers, I'll tease you and never fuck you until the wedding day. Or I just won't let you come." He shrugged and Laura's mouth fell open.

"You wouldn't do that! You need attention too! "She gasped and James just grinned.

"Hey, I've used my five best friends for a while." He commented, wiggling his five fingers in front of her, "I'll be able to manage."

"You are such a tease." Laura huffed and turned back to the television set. James grinned and took the bowl away from her and set it down on the coffee table. Gizmo already sensed what was going on, so he jumped off of the sofa and took off as fast as he could. "James don't—"

"Hm…?" James ran his hand down her thighs and grabbed her knees, yanking her legs apart

"No you don't mister I know what you're going to do!" She whined and clawed at the arm rest of the sofa to pull herself away, but James yanked harder and placed himself in between her legs. "You so won't get away with this!" She warned, but James laughed and bit her bottom lip.

"When will you learn _you_ never win this?" he smirked and moved his hands beneath her to squeeze her ass as hard as he could before forcing his mouth on hers. Laura whined and started to shove him away by his shoulders, so James removed one hand to grab her wrists and keep them pinned to her chest while his other hand ventured towards the waistband of her sweatpants.

"No, no, no!" She whined trying to move away. "You so aren't doing this to me right now you're a tease!"

"And don't you forget it." He smirked and slithered his hand down into her underwear, letting two fingers slip inside. James watched her head fall back and her eyes close and her lips part. He dipped his head to kiss her again, forcing his tongue inside as his fingers slowly moved in and out of her.

When there was a knock at the door James immediately pulled his hand from her pants and kissed her quickly on the lips. "Bye baby, love you!" He climbed off of her and ran out the door, leaving Laura outstretched on the sofa, staring at the ceiling completely frustrated.

"I HATE YOU DIAMOND!"

* * *

James did not know where the hell he was when he woke up the following morning. He was face down on a white fur carpet, and when he put his hand beside his head he was shocked to see a cut running across the top of his hand. He quickly sat up and looked around, they were in a hotel room, and he could obviously see that, but which hotel was beyond him. James looked over at the bed and saw Logan asleep with his butt in the air, and a sign that said 'bite me' taped onto it. When James got up from the floor he walked over to the bathroom, and on his way there he saw Kendall curled up on his side holding a blow up doll. When he finally reached the bathroom he was so confused as to why Carlos was lying in the bathtub covered in an obscene amount of glitter, holding a bottle of beer in one hand and a glow stick in the other.

"What the fuck….." he shook his head and walked over to the mirror to examine himself. He looked _awfully_ tired and hung-over. His shirt was ripped open for some unknown reason and when he reached into his back pocket, he realized there was a pair of fuzzy handcuffs inside. He leaned forward and washed his face, and when he stood up straight he screamed seeing Carlos behind him in the mirror. Carlos then screamed and the two of them screamed for another moment before silencing themselves and staring at one another.

"Why am I covered in glitter!?" Carlos whined. "Where did this glow stick come from!?

"I don't know I don't remember what happened!" James said immediately. "I have a cut on my hand, and handcuffs! MY SHIRT IS RIPPED!"

"Oh my god Marley is going to murder me if we fucked girls or saw strippers." Carlos said quickly. James nodded in agreement and left the bathroom just in time to see the other two morons start to wake up. Kendall opened his eyes and glanced at the blow up doll, then screamed and threw it halfway across the room. Logan climbed out of bed and looked relatively okay, just incredibly confused.

"What happened last night?" Logan questioned, scratching his head and slowly walking towards them.

"Dude you're the one that planned it you tell me!" James growled, and all Logan did was shrug his shoulders and let his arms fall slack at his sides.

"Things hurt that I didn't know could hurt." Kendall mumbled quietly, and the three men just stared at him, completely unsure of what they should say.

"Okay, let's just check our phones and see if we did anything stupid." Carlos said with a nod, and all of the boys reached into their pockets to grab their cell phones. James' eyes shot open and he realized he missed four calls from Laura, so he put the phone on speaker and began to play one of the voicemails.

"JAMES DIAMOND YOU ARE GOING TO GET IT!" She screamed into the phone, and the rest of the men stood there in a slight panic. "You think that's fucking funny? So help me god if I find the whore you're with I'm going to slaughter her and make you watch helplessly as I destroy her, THEN I WILL KILL YOU ASSHOLE!" The voicemail ended and James was frozen as he stared at the phone.

"Oh my god what did you do…." Kendall said slowly.

"More like who did you do." Logan chuckled, and James shoved Logan onto his butt.

"That's not funny!" James yelled and shoved his phone back into his pocket. "For some reason Laura thinks I fucked someone, Carlos is coated in glitter and sparkles and shit, Kendall was spooning a blow up doll and Logan you have a sign on your ass that says bite me!" James sighed in annoyance. Logan's eyes widened and he reached around to his butt once he stood up, yanking the sign off before reading it and crumbling it up. He crossed his arms over his chest then shoved his hands into his pockets, wondering if there were bite marks on his ass from some unknown person.

"I wonder what we did..." Kendall muttered. "Okay hey wait why don't you just call Laura back and ask-"

"NO!" Carlos yelled with wide eyes and turned to James. When he placed his hands on his shoulders more glitter fell off of his body. "If you call Laura now, while she's heated and angry and in a spiteful mood, she will do things, bad things…" Carlos warned, "When we were playing cops and robbers when we were like eight and I got her mad, she destroyed my Gameboy." Carlos frowned at the memory.

"…Carlos James is not a Gameboy." Logan laughed.

"IT JUST MEANS SHE'LL GET REVENGE ANY WAY POSSIBLE!" Carlos shouted at James.

"Hey, wait!" Kendall threw his hands up in the air to get them to listen to him. "Maybe one of us took video footage!"

"Oh god I'm afraid to check that." James sighed and watched everyone start to pull up videos on their phones.


	13. Bachelor Party Part 2

**(Carlos'sCupcake: I hope you'll find this funny! I tried to make it pretty ridiculous lol, and I was DEFINITELY going for The Hangover in the last chapter!**

**Henderson1993: James is definitely in the doghouse with Laura…well somewhat**

**SHY: LMAO you're partially correct on that actually**

**AddictedToMusic18: Yeah they do seem like the type to just mess with each other when drunk…well let's see what they did!**

**Annabellex2: Finally the wait is over and you can see who gets into trouble!**

**Am4muzik; Sorry for the long wait, here you go!**

**ElizabethMaslowBTR: yay I'm glad you love it!**

**Btrfanfiction1516: don't worry, there is tons of footage**

**RandomWriter23: Laura will absolutely murder him!**

**IHEARTROCK: Glad you found it funny!**

**Btr-maslow-luv97: YAY I was going for the Hangover type thing! UMMM well don't worry, you'll find all about what the boys did, those rascals**

**DeniseDEMD: Thank you I'm glad that you find the story funny that means a lot!**

**Rusher1: sorry for the wait, part2 is finally here!)**

* * *

"Okay I got something, this is at the club we went to I guess." Kendall said as he turned his phone to the side and held it up so everyone could see. When the video started they could all hear the heavy bass playing in the background, and were nearly blinded by the images of all of the strobe lights. First the camera showed Logan who was sticking his tongue out and shaking his head side to side while making the dumbest face imaginable. He then pointed two fingers at James who was downing a bright purple shot before he vanished.

"Oh shit, that's when everything just blurs." James announced as he watched himself drink. "That was the shot that fucked me over…"

"Oh but there's more." Kendall muttered, and they all turned back to the phone to now see Carlos in the frame. Carlos had some sort of tall, vibrantly colored drink in his hand to start.

That was not a good sign; those are the kind that make you forget what you did, or who you did the night before.

Then they could see Carlos dancing, in fact he began to do the body roll as he chugged his drink. After setting that down he grabbed a few glow sticks and continued to do the body roll while drumming on his stomach. The entire time the camera was shaking because of Kendall's excessive laughter at the scene before him.

"_Hey where'd Logan go?_" James had asked.

"_VIP ROOM!"_ Carlos shouted and pointed the way with his glow stick so they could meet him there.

"I don't want to know what happened in the VIP room…" Logan muttered under his breath in fear of catching a video of himself fucking some strange woman.

"Let's just hope that one of us has it!" James said quickly. He needed to know what happened that Laura was calling him and threatening his life. If he did something with someone….oh that was the end of James Diamond, and no one would ever know where the body was hidden.

The four of them continued to check their phones, and James found out he had video footage that would connect them to the VIP room where Logan was. "Alright here we go…"He sighed and held the phone out so all of them could see what was going on.

Logan was holding on to a stripper pole with a shot in his other hand. He downed the shot and threw it aside carelessly as he grabbed the pole with his now free hand. "_This is how you become a stripper! I say we go back to our girls…..and just become strippers."_ Logan shrugged and held onto the pole as he walked around it several times.

"_Most boring stripper EVER!_" Kendall yelled out, so Logan flipped him off and jumped onto the pole, pulling himself up with just his arms before hooking onto the pole with one leg and one arm, letting the rest of his body hang off the side as he slid down the pole and spun around. His friends whistled and clapped for him, and this just served to encourage him even more. He then decided to face the pole and grab it as though he was holding Kira in his arms.

Then he grinded and dry humped the pole making the most ridiculous facial expressions.

"_Wow Kira must love you!"_ Carlos laughed at him.

"_Or never manage to orgasm."_ James joked.

"You dick!" Logan frowned at James' joke and shoved him in the chest.

"Relax dude, come on keep watching your stripper ass." James laughed and turned his attention back to the phone. Logan held onto the pole and had bent backwards, pretending to sway his hair side to side. Then he brought himself back up in the sexiest way he could before spinning around the pole, sliding down and spreading his legs open to offer a 'show'.

"You have an addiction to stripping." Carlos laughed as the video came to an end.

"That doesn't explain why I had a sign on my ass!" Logan yelled in frustration.

"Hey…we still have a lot to figure out." Kendall reminded him. "So come on, let's check your phone and see what you've got." He nudged Logan, who groaned and checked the videos on his phone. He was surprised to see he actually had one.

"Alright….this one looks good." He sighed and held his phone out, and the video looked like it took place in a sex shop.

"_Okay, what are we doing guys?"_ Logan asked aloud.

"_We wanted to go to a toy store but they're all closed….so we came here."_ Carlos said so seriously to the camera, that all of the boys were just cracking up. "_We figured we'd get James some end of not being married life gifts."_

"_I have most of this stuff though!"_ James whined from across the store, _"or better versions of it!"_

"_How about these?"_ Logan asked as he held up the pair of fuzzy pink handcuffs that James now held in his back pocket.

"_Oh, we don't have those, we have real ones. I guess I'll buy that."_ He shrugged and took it from Logan.

"We took James to a sex shop to buy sex toys to use on my cousin." Carlos cringed at the thought and even shivered, "Okay I don't like this."

"Shh just keep watching!" James scolded him. They looked back at the phone and watched as Kendall now held up a box in front of the camera with the biggest grin on his face.

"_Look, I have a friend now!"_ He grinned and pointed at the blow up doll in the box. Everyone laughed at him, and after seeing James run around the store in a blur grabbing items which they weren't quite sure about, they left and walked down the street.

"Oh hold on there's another one…" Logan muttered and played the next clip. It was just the four of them walking down the block goofing off like idiots, shoving each other and making each other laugh. Suddenly Carlos broke free of the group and ran over to a lamp pole. He gasped and turned around, pointing at a glass box attached to it. When they got closer to him he was pointing at a glass box filled with sparkles and glitter that clearly said 'Break In Case of Fabulous' on the front.

"_I'm feeling fabulous you guys!" _Carlos shouted.

"Oh god no…" Carlos grumbled and pinched the bridge of his nose. He watched as his past self bent down underneath the box, and suddenly James punched right through the box so all of the sparkles and glitter coated Carlos from head to toe.

"Well this explains a lot." James nodded as he looked down at his cut up hand and back at the video. "We are fucking _stupid_ drunks."

"I prefer the term fun!" Logan shrugged, and glanced at Carlos who had a video ready. "Oh, not afraid to share now?"

"Shut up and watch." He sighed and stuck his hand out. They were now safely in the hotel room and James was dumping the bag of toys out onto the coffee table while Kendall sat in the corner of the room filling the blow up doll with air.

"_Okay, I'm James Diamond and I'm teaching you how to fuck your girlfriend."_ He nodded at the camera with a perfectly straight face. He walked over to Kendall and ripped the blow up doll out of his hands.

"_Hey that's my friend!"_ Kendall whined.

"_Now it's my bitch."_ James shrugged and took the doll's hands, cuffing them behind its back and bending it over the sofa. _"I like this position because you are just completely in control, like so." _He demonstrated his statement by humping the back side of the blow up doll. "_From this, you can grab said girl by hair, force her to her knees, and make her suck you off."_ James again demonstrated this.

"Well at least he did this without taking his clothes off or getting a boner…."Kendall mumbled.

"_Oh look, Logan fell asleep."_ James said and took the cuffs off of the doll, then used its hands to point at Logan, so the camera panned over to him passed out on the bed. "_Let's mess with him."_

"_Already done!"_ Kendall said from behind James, grinning proudly at the sign he had written up. He walked over and taped it to Logan's butt, then gave a huge grin and a thumbs up.

"_We can make this happen."_ James nodded and walked over to Logan with the doll, then put the doll's head at Logan's butt. "_Munch, munch, munch."_ He laughed hysterically as he pretended the doll was biting Logan's ass.

"_Hey don't abuse my friend that way!"_ Kendall walked over and took the doll from James. "_Poor thing…"_ He sighed and carried the doll away.

"Wow we are morons…" Kendall remarked and shook his head.

"We? Speak for yourself." James snickered, and they all just stared at him and shook their heads. "Okay so we solved what happened last night but I have no idea what I did that Laura's so mad! Did we not film me having sex with some strange woman!?"

"…I would hope not." Carlos mumbled under his breath. "Come on let's just get our shit together and go home and make sure we don't get murdered by the girls."

"What about me!?" James yelled.

"We'll make sure we invite Justin Timberlake to your funeral." Logan remarked as he patted him on the back. James sighed, knowing that he was definitely going to hear a slew of death threats that were going to seem like they came straight out of a sociopath's mouth. The boys gathered their belongings, yes, James even brought the sex toys, but Kendall left the doll, and after cleaning themselves up they all went home.

When James arrived home he walked in and saw Laura sitting at the island counter with a huge cup of coffee and few cookies, with Gizmo sitting by her feet. "Hey Baby—"She smiled, but James interrupted her.

"I don't know who that girl was that you yelled about. I don't even remember a girl being there at all I didn't wake up with anyone and I don't remember talking to anyone and—"

"You got my voicemail huh?" Laura said slowly, trying to hide the devious smirk that wanted to form. She did however raise a curious eyebrow as James set down the bag of sex toys on the kitchen counter.

"Yeah and ….Laura I'm so sorry I love you and I would never cheat on you and—"

"It was a joke, James." Laura said calmly, taking another sip of her coffee.

"Excuse me?"

"You teased me….and I told Marley, and she said to get back at you." Laura shrugged and ate a cookie, "So I left that voicemail, I didn't think you'd actually fall for I t." She laughed.

"So you lied to me?" James's jaw dropped. "You made me think I was a cheating prick!"

"I know!" She laughed.

"Oh that is so fucking it." James grabbed her food and tossed it into the sink. Laura jumped off of the stool to run away, but James grabbed her and threw her over his shoulder. "You're so getting it." He growled and smacked her rear painfully hard before he grabbed the bag of toys and started to walk upstairs, with Gizmo following them curiously. "You'll want to stay down here Gizmo it's going to get rough." The dog stopped following them and quickly ran away to his bed.

"Rough huh? I can deal with that." Laura giggled and squeezed James' butt.

"Oh no, you shut up. You're not talking, you're not touching, nope you're going to get it for tricking me, Laura." James growled and slammed the door to their bedroom shut.


End file.
